Can't Help Falling
by kyla713
Summary: It was only supposed to be physical outside of work. That should be easy, right? E/B, AH
1. I Saw Red

**A/N: So a couple of weeks ago, I was sitting and listening to music, as I often do when I am uninspired and not feeling anything I am writing. And the very first song to come up was Warrant's "I Saw Red", and a scenario to go along with the song struck my brain and as a cure for boredom, I set a challenge for myself. Put my playlist on shuffle, and for each song that comes up, progress from the one before to continue the story. And a majority of what came to be this story resulted from that challenge. Some scenes go along with the songs, others were just what was inspired as I listened to the songs, not necessarily correlating with them. **

**This first one, however, pretty much does. I have included the youtube link to the song in case you all don't know it, and hope you enjoy it. Most of the chapters are not very long, just quick little scenes inspired by the songs. **

**http :/ www . youtube . com / watch?v=3dh79Ggx9Js&ob=av2e**

**And thank you to ericastwilight for all the encouragement to crank this out until it was complete. Happy birthday bb!**

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><p><em>Then I saw red<br>When I opened up the door  
>I saw red<br>My heart just spilled onto the floor_

"_**I Saw Red" ~ Warrant**_

**Chapter 1 ~ I Saw Red**

My life was bound to change, but I never would have guessed it would be in the way that it had. Everything had been going so well in my life in the last few years; I was in the middle of my surgical residency at the University of Washington Medical Center, I'd met my girlfriend of two years when we were both interns and had plans to take her home for Christmas, to officially introduce her to my family before popping the question. I already had the ring sitting at home in the back of my sock drawer, but I wanted everything to be perfect.

Kristie had entranced me from the moment I first saw her. She had long, flowing blond hair and crystal blue eyes that would draw you in and then render you speechless until you were stammering like a fool. With the sweetest face that radiated beauty and innocence, I was instantly hooked, even though it took me a year to work up the courage to even ask her out on our first date. But I knew, without a doubt, that I was in love with her before I even had the chance to kiss her. She was "it" for me.

After a year of dating, she moved into my apartment, and everything flowed like clockwork. I found myself waking up early every morning just to spend a few minutes of serenity with her over coffee before our hectic days began. She never failed to respond with a smile and a good morning kiss, even two years into our relationship. I couldn't help but feel blessed that I'd found such an amazing woman to share my life with.

Then one night, after a grueling twelve-hour surgery following a drunken car wreck at the end of the Thanksgiving holiday weekend, I knew I needed some peace and quiet before I could hope to return to the floor. The young mother of two barely made it off the table after coding twice, while the idiot that hit her sustained only minor injuries. I texted Kristie as soon as I left the husband in the waiting room to process all I had just told him, asking her to meet me in the on call room. When she didn't respond, I assumed she'd gotten pulled into surgery and couldn't get away—all part of the job.

However, when I opened the door to the small room, I witnessed the last thing I would have ever expected to see, or wanted to, for that matter. My Kristie was bent at the waist over one of the cots, with one of our fellow residents thrusting away at her from behind. I didn't take any notice as to who it was, as my gaze was fixed on her in disbelief and anger. Her eyes widened like a deer in headlights as they shot up to meet mine.

"Oh my God, Edward. Let me explain," she spoke hurriedly as she pushed the man away from her, pulling her scrub pants up to her waist in the process.

"I thought you locked the door," he whispered as he dressed again as well, but my eyes never moved from her.

"I thought _you _did," she replied brusquely and then turned back to me. "Baby, please. I didn't mean for this to happen. Please, talk to me."

I slowly began shaking my head, taking a few steps back to the door as she advanced toward me. My heavy breaths came in quick succession while my heart plummeted beyond my stomach and straight to the floor at my feet. And suddenly, everything came rushing at me with startling clarity.

Why I'd never taken her to meet my family, using our busy schedules as an excuse, despite my frequent as possible visits home on my own. Why I'd been holding onto that aforementioned ring in my drawer for over six months, waiting for that perfect moment to propose that never seemed to come. All the attention she'd been paying to me recently, even at work.

Somehow, in my subconscious mind, I knew something wasn't right, and I was deluding myself into thinking what I had with her was the real thing. Simply because I _wanted_ it to be.

"Edward, say something, please," Kristie pleaded, stepping toward me again, but I continued to move back, closing the door and her face disappeared from my view. And with it went the love I'd felt for her just five minutes before, sucked straight from my heart. I made the decision not to care. I would finish my shift, go back to that apartment and pack my things, and then find a hotel to stay in until I found somewhere else to live. I knew I could never return to living in that place with reminders of her everywhere I looked.

At three in the morning, I stood in the living room with my bags at my feet, filled with everything I cared to take with me. Staring down at the small box in my hand, I opened it to reveal the diamond ring inside and my stomach involuntarily clenched. I could return it and get my money back, but that didn't matter to me. I could hold onto it and maybe save it for a woman who actually wanted the same things I did, but it held no appeal. It would always be Kristie's ring, and I wanted nothing to do with it. My trust and my heart had been trampled on, and I vowed to never feel that way again.

I walked into the bathroom and removed the ring from the velvet slit it rested in. I spun it between my fingers a few times before dropping it into the toilet and watched it settle to the bottom. I left it there and walked out, collecting my things and tossing my key into the bowl on the front hall table, ending that chapter of my life with the closing of a door.


	2. Good Enough

**A/N: This is one of those that doesn't necessarily go along with the song exactly, but it inspired Bella's POV for this chapter. **

**http:/ www . youtube . com / watch?v=Kw2Ic_2XdVQ&ob=av2e**

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><p><em>So take care what you ask of me,<br>'cause I can't say no._

"_**Good Enough" ~ Evanescence**_

**Chapter 2 ~ Good Enough**

What the hell was I doing? I'd pondered that exact question numerous times since beginning this thing between me and Edward.

From the instant it became known that Dr. Cullen had ended his relationship with Dr. Ledermann, the nurses from nearly every department began vying for his attention, tripping over themselves for a chance to assist him in his surgeries. And I was quickly branded as the most hated woman in the hospital, since whenever possible, he specifically requested me as his scrub nurse. I assumed it was because I'd never been one of _those_ women; that my focus in the OR was solely on the patient on the table, and assisting the doctor at my side.

Edward had surprised me one night, three months following the breakup, by asking me to join him for dinner as we reached the front door of the hospital at the end of our shift. I hesitated for a moment, wondering what had prompted such an invitation, but in the end, accepted and followed him to a small, out of the way restaurant. I'd never spent any time with him outside the hospital and only spoken to him on a professional level within. Yet, conversation seemed to flow between us effortlessly, until it hit a more personal level. He refused to discuss his ex-girlfriend or where he'd come from. Judging from the subtle hints of an accent lacing his voice, it was obvious that he was _not_ a Washington native, as I was, but he quickly changed the subject when broached. I didn't mind, though—it wasn't as if we were on a date or anything. We were simply sharing a meal and unwinding after a long day of work.

However, when he walked me to my car afterward, there was an awkward silence between us and the look in his eyes as he gazed at me was a little unsettling. His hand rose to my cheek and he traced my skin lightly with his fingertips for a moment before lowering his lips to mine. I hadn't expected that, but his kiss was so gentle and inviting, I quickly found myself responding and sliding my arms around him. I lost all logical thought and agreed with a nod when he asked me to come home with him.

I woke the next morning, naked in his bed with him fast asleep beside me, and the reality of the night before came rushing at me. I'd had a one night stand with a man that I somehow had to manage working alongside in the matter of a few hours. I needed to remain focused without images of him above me or memories of his touch assaulting my mind. I rose as quickly as I could without waking him, got dressed, and rushed to my car to head home.

I stood under the shower spray until the water began to run cold, attempting to wash away all traces of his scent from my skin and collect myself before leaving for work. I thought I'd succeeded in my efforts until he approached me an hour into my shift as I stood in front of the surgical schedule on the wall.

"You snuck out this morning," he said in a low voice, his eyes remaining on the board as if he hadn't spoken at all.

I straightened and relaxed my features, taking on an appearance of non-chalance. "No, I just needed to get home and change for work. I didn't want to interrupt your sleep, I knew you'd need it."

I felt his gaze on me as I gestured to his full schedule that day, but refused to meet his eyes. "So did you. Even more so if we get any more today."

"Actually, I'm going to be assisting Dr. Spencer today. He's performing a heart surgery that he's requested me for and I can't pass it up," I replied, grabbing the eraser and switching another nurse's name for mine.

Edward took my arm as I turned to walk away and guided me down the hall to a supply closet, closing the door behind us and locking it. "Bella, don't do this."

I sighed heavily, looking up at him. "Do what? I'm not _doing_ anything."

"Let last night affect our professional relationship," he replied, waving his arms out. "As amazing as it was, I need you in that OR. Not because we had sex, but you are the best damn scrub nurse I've worked with. You can anticipate my needs without me having to say a word, and in turn, make me more proficient and able to remain focused."

I tried to take a deep breath, despite the tension present between us with our close proximity. Desire coursed through me as it never had before the previous night and my eyes fell to his lips. "I can't. It's unprofessional as hell, but I can't look at you and _not_ think about last night. I don't sleep around, and it's been a really, _really_ long time. And it was _really_ amazing, but I need some time to put it behind me."

"I'm not going to bother you outside of work. I'm not in a place where I can be in a relationship right now," Edward said seriously, even as he stepped closer to me. "But in that operating room, I _need_ you, Bella."

"I _want_ you to 'bother' me, and that's where the problem lies. How am I supposed to focus like that? Not being able to concentrate when you have someone's life in your hands," I asked with a sigh, lowering my eyes in embarrassment at my admission.

Edward's hand gently lifted my chin to look at him and I was startled by the closeness of his face to mine. "I just can't be Edward out there in those halls and in the OR. I'm Dr. Cullen and you're Nurse Swan, just as it's always been."

I closed my eyes as his fingers curled around the back of my neck and my hands rose to his face, clasping it between them and sealing my lips to his. Not only did I assist him in surgery that day, but I went home with him as well that night.

As we lay together in the aftermath, I watched my finger drawing slow patterns on his chest while his ran along my shoulder and neck. I curled into his warmth against the chill in the room and the tingling of my skin from his touch. I wanted him again, badly. It had definitely been a _long_ time before him—in fact, I'd stopped keeping track—but the need I felt to have him inside me again was inexplicable.

"Edward?" I whispered, trying to keep my voice level to avoid embarrassing myself, and he replied with a soft "yeah?" I lifted my head to look at him and rested my chin on my arm lying across his chest. "What is this?"

Edward bent his arm beneath his head and his eyes rose to the ceiling above us while mine lowered again. "I don't know, Bella. I never meant for any of this to happen, let alone twice now. I've always maintained control of myself at all times, and had a very clear path in front of me, until we started working together. Now, I don't know what the hell is going on."

"I don't want it to stop," I replied, swallowing hard as my throat tightened slightly when I felt his eyes return to me. I closed mine and took a deep breath to center myself before looking back to him again. "I meant what I said about not sleeping around. I don't, and from what I've seen, you don't, either. And I know you said you're not in a place for a relationship, and quite honestly, neither am I. So … maybe we could just … you know …"

My stomach was doing violent somersaults as I stammered, trying to get the words out, but they froze in my throat. _Picture of confidence, Bella,_ I thought sarcastically, fighting the urge to roll my eyes at myself. If I was mature enough to propose such a thing, I should be mature enough to say the words without stammering.

"Obviously, we're attracted to each other, and we are really good together in this way. We could have a strictly sexual relationship. No emotions, no attachments. No obligations to each other."

Edward seemed momentarily stunned by my statement, his lips parting several times as if to reply, but no sound emitted from him. Then I felt his hand return to the small of my back and our gazes met, his eyes flickering between mine like he was searching for something. "Just sex?"

I slowly nodded, bringing my lips to hover just above his. "Just sex. I won't fall in love with you, I promise. I've never _been_ in love, and I don't intend to be for a very long time to come. But I _do_ want you."

Edward gently pulled me to him and kissed me, rolling me onto my back and pressing inside me again. We sealed our agreement with wild, passionate sex—seemed appropriate.

Six months had passed since then, and once again, I found myself waking up in his bed, asking myself that monotonous question I could never answer—what the hell was I doing? Why had I done this? We weren't in an actual relationship, still only spoke to each other while in bed, and at least three days a week, I would wake up in his apartment after taking our pleasures from each other the night before. So, why?

Because I was vulnerable with him. Because he could call and I would come running, no questions asked. Because I couldn't say no to him. Because despite vowing to keep myself detached from him, I could feel myself falling in love with a man who could never return it.

Every morning that I walked out of his door, I swore it was the final time, but it only lasted until the next touch, kiss, or plea. I would start craving him again, needing to feel his body against mine and the depths of pleasure he could evoke in me. And for just a few hours, he was mine and I was enough for him.

Just as I felt at that moment as he sat up beside me, groggily kissing along my shoulder and up my neck to finally reach my lips.

"Good morning," he whispered against them and I felt myself shiver at the deep, rough vibration of his voice. His fingers wove into my hair and gently tilted my head to kiss me even deeper. "I don't think we should leave this bed today. It's cold out there."

I moaned softly against him at the inviting sound of his proposition, but drew back slowly, shaking my head. "We have to. We've got to be at the hospital in a few hours."

"Then just not yet," he murmured, lowering me back down to the bed and hovering above me. "Come take a shower with me."

"But that would require leaving the bed. And what am I supposed to wear afterward?" I asked with a raised eyebrow, but my fingers began tracing lightly over his shoulder blade—a sign I was bending to my need. He smirked devilishly and I rolled my eyes, but my body was already betraying me in my literal ache for him. "I'm serious, I have nothing to wear here."

"I have a set of scrubs you can wear home, just please say yes." His breath ghosted over my lips and my body arched against him. "Is that a yes?"

"Yes," I replied breathily and he lifted us both off the bed, carrying me into the attached bathroom with my legs wrapped tightly around his waist. As he stepped beneath the shower, his hands lowered to my hips, rocking them against his morning erection and I shuddered as I felt him slip inside.

_Tomorrow, I'll let him go. I swear, I will._

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><p><strong>AN 2: This story is complete, and the chapters will be posted as they come back from pre-readers. It's fairly short, 13 chapters in all, and will continue to be in alternating povs, as is called for the situation in correlation with the corresponding song. Thanks everyone!**


	3. Crazy For You

**A/N: This one is pretty self-explanatory. :)**

**http:/ www . youtube . com / watch?v=DHutZXREZ0E&ob=av2e**

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><p><em>I never wanted anyone like this<br>It's all brand new, you'll feel it in my kiss  
>I'm crazy for you, crazy for you<em>

"_**Crazy For You" ~ Madonna**_

**Chapter 3 ~ Crazy for You**

A night out with my girlfriends, it was exactly what I needed. Not a single soul from the hospital around me at all, nothing to remind me of who also wasn't there.

_Edward_.

I'd been dodging his phone calls all day, knowing that the moment I heard his voice, it would lead me right to his door again. It was my day off and I was going to use it wisely. To collect my thoughts, toughen my skin and immune myself to him. I could do it. Men were the ones who were supposed to think with what was between their legs, not women.

Yet, as I'd already figured out, it wasn't only my body that desperately ached for him, but also my heart. I'd never been like that before I'd agreed to one simple dinner with him. I was a strong, independent woman, having worked my own way through nursing school and took care of myself. I was damn good at what I did and never let anyone or anything cloud my focus.

Since that night, I'd become a complete wreck, to the point of pathetic. When I wasn't lost in his body driving mine into blissful oblivion, I was curled up on my couch watching sappy romantic comedies on TV, and in the last few days, changing into the borrowed scrubs of Edward's that I had yet to return—or wash. Well, that was until the night before, compliments of the s'mores I was engorging myself on, and his scent completely disappeared from the fabric in the washer.

I suddenly had a new, sacrilegious despise for chocolate.

Yeah, I needed a night away from him and anything that might remind me of him. So when my friends from back home in Forks called and said they were heading up to Seattle and wanted to see me, I eagerly agreed. I could have a night out with my friends and not hear the name Edward Cullen _once_. They had no idea who he even was, and that was exactly what I needed.

By ten-thirty, I was sitting at the bar of some club I'd never have come to on my own, but that was the point of the evening, wasn't it? To let loose and forget everyday life, and not be the typical, mopey Bella of late. It was almost working, too. The fruity drinks were starting to go to my head and it felt good to smile and laugh, losing myself in conversation and the music pulsing around me. Until…

"Hey, Edward! You made it!" a man's voice exclaimed from across the room, loud enough to be heard above the music—or maybe that was just me being hyper aware.

Surely, it couldn't be _my_ Edward … God, I really needed to stop thinking of him as _mine_. There were millions of Edwards in the world, weren't there? There was no way that of all the places he could be that night, he would be right there, where I happened to be.

I slowly turned my head to look over my shoulder in the direction of that voice. Sure enough, there he was, standing among a group of men, who appeared to be his friends. I found myself oddly relieved that there wasn't a single woman present at the table, though I knew I had no right. He wasn't my boyfriend; he was free to do whatever he wished, despite our association.

Even in the dark, smoky atmosphere, he was amazingly gorgeous and caused my breaths to accelerate. He was so close, too close … and not close enough at the same time. Just as I was sure my stare would begin boring through him, I was startled by a hand touching my knee and my head spun to find Angela gazing at me worriedly.

"Bella, you look like you just saw a ghost. What's going on?"

"I … uh … I just…" I stammered and then looked back to where he stood. As if he could finally feel my gaze on him, his head turned and his eyes met mine, in just as much shocking disbelief. "I'll be right back."

I slid off the stool with my heart hammering against the walls of my chest, trying to take calming breaths as I walked toward him. The sound from the heels of my boots seemed to reverberate through my body to my ears with every step I took, and finally, I was standing right in front of him.

We stood silently staring at each other until I reached out to take his hand, my eyes never leaving his as I walked backward toward the dance floor. I lost all other thought or need except for the feeling of his arms around me, his body against mine. My hands linked behind his neck as we stopped and he pulled me closer, swaying with me slowly to the music.

Edward's gaze was intense on me, but we still did not say a word. My fingers traced along the back of his neck as his forehead rested against mine, our noses brushing along the other's until we stopped moving. Yet the room continued to spin around us in time with the music and his arms tightened around me. I met his lips with mine, trying to show him how much I wanted, needed and loved him, lacing my fingers in his hair.

"Come home with me," he whispered as our lips parted and I felt every last trace of my strength disappearing in that instant. Once again, I nodded without hesitation and he reached up to his neck for my hand.

"Wait, I have to tell my friends that I'm leaving. Give me two seconds?" I said and pulled away from him, making my way over to a wide-eyed Angela, as well as Jessica and Lauren.

"Who in heaven's name, and I do mean _heaven_, is that?" Angela asked breathlessly as the other two simply continued to stare.

"The source of my destruction," I laughed humorlessly, and felt three pairs of eyes on me, not including Edward's from across the room. "It's a guy from work. One of the surgeons."

"You're dating a _surgeon_?" Jessica gasped with a slackened jaw. "And you didn't call with details?"

"It's not _exactly_ like that," I replied, turning my pleading eyes to Angela, who could always read me better than anyone I knew, ever since we were kids.

"Okay, right," she said suddenly, inhaling a sharp breath and I watched her eyes, seemingly having wheels turning behind them. "So, we'll just head back to your place and see you in the morning?"

I nodded, giving them all a hug goodnight, ending with Angela and whispering "thank you" in her ear. I then turned to head back to Edward, taking his outstretched hand as I reached him and holding on tightly.

_Yet another "one more night". _


	4. Hearts Never Lie

**A/N: Not consistent with the song, but I was imagining Edward's POV of the events of the chapter before, and what was to come. And this was the result. This song has always been a personal favorite of mine, and very inspirational :)**

**http:/ www . youtube . com / watch?v=Z2xiWDKURAY**

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><p><em>This whole thing is crazy<br>Building walls to keep out the pain  
>When there's no changing<br>Mistakes already made_

"_**Hearts Never Lie" ~ Tiffany**_

**Chapter 4 ~ Hearts Never Lie**

When I spotted her from across the room that night, I was sure I was imagining things. That my desire to see her, after not doing so outside of work in days, was so great, that my mind was creating something akin to a mirage in the desert. Then she started walking toward me until her scent engulfed me, and before I knew it, she was guiding me by the hand to the dance floor.

All day long, I'd been trying to call her, but only got her voicemail. Until a text from her came around six saying she'd been busy and was about to head out with some friends. And while relieved to see that thoughts that she was avoiding me were at least partially just my paranoia, it didn't erase all of them.

Bella's car was long gone by the time I got out to the parking lot after work for the past three nights. My texts were answered with an "I'm tired and going to bed" one in return. I tried thinking back to the last night/morning we were together, attempting to remember anything that might have made her angry or upset with me, but I could think of nothing out of the ordinary. She seemed to enjoy our encounter in the shower, holding onto me tightly and her soft moans echoing off the tile through both of her orgasms. Everything seemed perfectly normal, even our kiss as she left … in my scrubs.

But why had she seemed to cut me out of her personal life completely since? It wasn't _total_ paranoia taking over; I could see it in her face from across the room. Her shoulders also fell slightly in a defeated motion before she lowered off the stool to come over to me. There was a hint of glistening in her eyes as she backed across the room with my hand in hers that couldn't entirely be explained by the smoke in the room. And there was a hint of hesitation as our noses brushed together, as if debating whether or not to kiss me, before she did.

She sealed her lips to mine almost furiously and I could feel my desire mirrored by hers as her body pressed firmly against me. I needed her so badly, and I practically begged her in a breathless whisper to come home with me.

Once she'd said goodnight to her friends upon agreeing, we quickly made our way out to my car through the chilling late October rain. And within ten minutes, we began leaving a trail of clothing through my apartment from the front door all the way to the bedroom.

There was an urgency in her groan as we fell to the mattress. She gripped my shoulders tightly with her fingers while her legs wrapped around mine, pulling me closer and guiding me inside her.

I'd never had a _bad_ experience in bed with Bella, but fuck, that time was beyond words. She was so damn vocal and responsive to every single movement, thrusting her hips up in rhythm with mine. Then finally, she took me off-guard, tightening her thighs on either side of me and rolling me onto my back, which she'd never done. We'd been in nearly every other position in the past, except for her on top of me. And as I watched her lower herself onto me with her body arched slightly and her head thrown back, I thought I was going to lose it right there.

My hands moved to her chest as she began to move again, biting her lip as I circled her pert nipples with my thumbs. I gently squeezed her breasts with a moan as she began rocking her hips against me, pressing me deeper inside her with each movement. Her eyes were dark and shaded in a way I'd never seen before and I watched as her hand moved behind her, cupping me and massaging as she continued to ride me. She was driving me closer to orgasm with each passing second and my fingers moved to grip her hips to slow her, but she surprisingly overpowered me. Before I knew it, my gut was tightening and my eyes closed, groaning loudly as I released inside her until my body was completely spent.

"Bella, what—" I began but she silenced me with the fingertips that had just been tracing along my chest, leaning forward so that our noses touched.

"Just kiss me," she whispered, slipping her hand away from my lips and replacing them with hers.

I gently rolled her onto her back, running my hand along her side as I kissed her while hers cupped my jaw. Her movements began to slow and her fingers became lax as they fell lightly beside her. I lifted my head and smiled slightly to find her eyes closed and her face lowering to the pillow.

She'd fallen asleep.

I covered our bodies with the blankets and pulled her into my arms until her head settled on my chest. As she curled against my side, I closed my eyes, falling asleep myself to the sounds of her breaths.

When I woke the next morning, it was still dark, but the space beside me was already cold. I was about to roll over and go back to sleep, figuring Bella had just gone home sometime in the night, until it dawned on me—we'd come together in my car. Would she have called her friends in the early hours of the morning to come get her?

I sat up and turned on the bedside lamp, looking quickly over to the corner of the room at the sound of a sniffle. Bella sat on the floor, fully dressed, with one leg folded beneath her and the other bent to her chest. Her face was soaked with tears, and from the look of her swollen eyes, she'd been there for a while.

Panic rose in my chest, unable to imagine what could suddenly be so terribly wrong. I stood and grabbed a pair of boxers from my drawer, quickly sliding them on before moving over to her. "Bella, what's wrong?"

"I can't do this anymore," she cried with trembling lips, her eyes slowly meeting mine. "I'm not strong enough for this."

"What are you talking about?" I asked in a soft whisper, caressing her damp cheek gently with my thumb.

"_This_. Us. I know we agreed that it was just sex. We weren't going to get attached, no feelings involved," Bella replied, pressing her lips together as more tears fell. "I know you're not going to stay once your residency is over. But if I don't let you go now, I don't think I'll ever be able to. I broke my promise. I fell in love with you."

My breath stilled and I fell back to sit on the floor across from her, resting my elbows on my knees and tenting my hands in front of me. I should have seen it coming after a few weeks before, when I told her of my plans to return home following my residency, on one of the nights we actually sat up and talked afterward. She'd gone suddenly very silent, clutching the blanket to her chest, and I could see that it was wise for us both to not get emotionally attached to each other. She was a homegrown Washington girl with her roots firmly planted, and I was … not.

Under any other circumstances, it would have been very easy to fall in love with Bella Swan. The attraction between us was explosive, we could usually talk without awkwardness, and yeah, the sex was absolutely phenomenal. And of course, more importantly, she was so damn sweet and beautiful, and would make some man a damn good girlfriend or wife someday. But I wasn't ready for something like that, even if I didn't plan to leave. I may have ceased to love Kristie in the way I once thought I had, but the memory and the pain still felt so fresh, and I couldn't do that to someone like Bella. She didn't deserve to pay the price for someone else's actions.

"Bella…"

She began shaking her head, looking at me again. "No, don't say anything. Whatever it was that's built this wall around you isn't going to let you tear it down yet. And that's okay, but I need to let you go so I can get over you. I can't be in love with a man who will probably never love me back."

My chest was aching and I held my hand out to her, palm up, and I gazed into her tear-filled eyes as her fingertips rested on mine. They curled together and I pulled her closer, brushing her cheek lightly with my free hand. "May I?"

Her lips trembled more as she nodded, a fresh stream of tears flowing down her cheeks, but she inched closer until she was straddling my lap. She kissed me softly as my hand rose to run along her hair. Slowly, it deepened and our lips moved passionately against each other before she finally broke it. "Goodbye, Edward."

"Goodbye, Bella," I whispered back and she rose from my lap, leaving the room quickly.

I heard the door to my apartment close and I rushed out to the living room window. Within a minute, I spotted her outside a few floors down, in the first hints of dawn, getting into a grey car that quickly drove her away. Once it disappeared completely, I fell to my couch, driving my hands into my hair. _What the hell have I done?_


	5. Ain't No Other Man

**A/N: **_**Definitely**_** not going along with the song here, and that seems to be a pattern, huh? **

**http:/ www . youtube . com / watch?v=8x7Ta89QLo4&ob=av2e**

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><p><em>Don't know what you did boy but you had it<em>

_And I've been hooked ever since_

"_**Ain't No Other Man"~ Christina Aguilera**_

**Chapter 5 ~ Ain't No Other Man**

_Tissue #5,658,325. Tossed to the trash can. And missed again. Damn it._

Yet, I also didn't feel like going all the way over there, either. Trudging through the sea of wadded up tissues that had been building up since the morning I left his apartment. No, I definitely wasn't ready for that.

Someday, I was going to have to get off the couch for more than just a trip to the bathroom or fridge. I would need to eat something other than cookies and ice cream. I would have to go back to work before I didn't have a job to go back _to_.

Going to work meant seeing _him_. The one I couldn't think about, or _stop_ thinking about, actually. The one my heart was still aching over. The one who just let me go without a fight.

"Oh my God, Bella," Angela said in a distressed sigh from the doorway, gazing at me and the mess I was no doubt in, besides my tissue littering the floor. I hadn't slept much in days, and when I did, it was only because I'd cried myself there. "You weren't answering your cell, so the hospital called me to see where you were, since I'm your emergency contact. So I thought I'd check on you."

"My cell? Oh, my cell," I replied despondently, waving my hand in a dismissive gesture. "It's probably dead somewhere."

Angela took a deep breath and sat down beside me. "Okay, I love you to death, Bella. Couldn't love you more if you were my sister. But really?" she said, gesturing to the white ocean on my floor and the collection of wrappers and cartons littering my coffee table. "It's been three days. Your life can't come to a stop over just some guy."

I began to cry again, though it came out as a squeak, and fell sideways onto my pillow again. "I know I'm being pathetic right now, Angela. But he's not just some guy. He's Edward and I'm so in love with him, it hurts. I've never so much as _looked _at another doctor in the hospital since I started working there right after graduation. I've never been someone who just sleeps around for the hell of it. But there was just something about him. I knew what I was getting into, that he was emotionally absent for whatever reason and there was no future with him. And I've never been unable to say no to anyone before, but I couldn't give it up. The way he would look at me was just … and he was so attentive, more than any man I've ever been with, as limited as that has been. And when he kissed me, I just forgot that anything else existed. And I couldn't resist that last one, and now that's all I can think about."

"Bella, you can't keep up like this. I'm sorry, I really am about what you're going through. But if you don't get your butt up from this couch right now, you're going to lose your job and end up on Charlie's. And that ancient thing is _way_ uncomfortable. So, come on," Angela said, taking my hands and pulling me up from the cushions to stand and turned me toward the bathroom. "Shower. Now. I'll get you some clothes."

As I stood beneath the spray, I thought of that morning months before, when I was trying to wash him away. And at that moment, I wished I could hold onto him for a little longer. One more smile, one more kiss, one more touch.

That was over now. I had to walk into that hospital and work beside him as if nothing had ever happened. Like he was just another doctor.

I had no idea how to do that, but I had to try.

Angela offered me a ride in, probably to make sure I actually went, but I declined. _I can do this_, I told myself over and over all the way to the hospital, until I was finally inside the doors.

And that's where I saw him again for the first time, speaking seriously with my supervisor; all six-plus-foot of him, with his long fingers running slowly along his chin.

_He's just another doctor. He's just another doctor._

"Ah good, Bella. You made it in today. I hope you're feeling better," my boss said, as Edward remained back.

"Yes, I'm much better, thank you. I'm sorry about not calling," I replied nervously, sure I was going to at the very least get written up for it.

"It's alright. Your friend said you were very ill, it's understandable. Just to be on the safe side, I'm going to keep you out of surgeries for another day or so," he replied and I watched Edward drive his hand into his hair, causing my boss to look back at him. "And that's the last I want to hear about it. Once we all know she's fully recovered, then, and only then, can she join you in surgery, and not a minute before."

Edward's hand fell and clapped hard on his thigh in defeat, turning and walking back down the hall.

"Sir, really, I'm fine. I can join Dr. … Cullen for surgery, if he needs me," I said, trying not to stumble over my words and appear the nervous wreck that I was. "I just overslept a bit this morning, that's all."

"I said, not a minute before, Nurse Swan," he said with a tone of finality and stepped around me.

As soon as he was gone, I hurried down the hall I'd watched Edward disappear down and found him with his hands folded behind his neck. He shook his head as he gazed up at the board, his nostrils flaring and lifting slightly the way they did when he was angry or frustrated. So damn sexy and _definitely_ one of the first things I needed to put on my list to ignore.

"Why?" I asked simply, looking up at him as I stepped up beside him.

"Why?" he repeated with a tense jaw, shaking his head as his eyes flickered on the board. "Because there's not a single damn scrub nurse on the schedule that can work even half as well with me as you can. Remember, Nurse Swan. In these halls and in that OR, I'm Dr. Cullen, not Edward. I'll leave you alone personally, but I still need you in that operating room."

His voice was level, professional—something I had grown unaccustomed to with the soft, tender way he'd spoken to me in private. And as much as it hurt that he was able to just flip the switch on that, it was also one more thing I had to admire him for. I wished it could be that simple for me, but he was also so much stronger than I was. Damn it, how would any other man match up to him?

Fortunately for my sanity, I was buried in charts for the rest of the day, having limited contact with anyone else. And that made it easier to make my way through it without breaking down again.

On the drive home, it hit me—how odd it was to go through an entire day without seeing him at all, after our brief exchange that morning. I felt the first tears of the night form in my eyes and I planned on going straight to bed. I hated that I missed him so damn much. That I wanted so badly to turn my car around and drive to his apartment, knock on his door and try to convince him that I didn't mean it. Even if it was a lie, it would have meant that I could be in his arms within minutes, feel his hand sweeping through my hair as he kissed me, and lose myself in his touch one more time. It was unhealthy and irrational, but I was still barely able to resist the temptation.

When I walked in my door, I gasped slightly at the sight of my apartment. The floor was spotless and my coffee table was cleared of the remnants from my three days as a virtual recluse. My blanket was folded along the top of the couch and a sheet of paper lay on the center cushion.

_Bella,_

_Sorry for going all drill sergeant on you this morning, hope this makes up for it a little. I'm here if you need to talk, and remember, you're better than this and you'll get through it. I love you, girl._

_Love,_

_Angela_

I smiled at the comforting words and the sweet gesture of her cleaning up the remnants of my depressive break-up stage, before I settled onto the couch and the tears started flowing again. Eventually, I knew I would get through it. That it would stop hurting so badly and maybe I could move on. But no one else saw the side of him that I did, the man under the cold shell of a surgeon, even with the limited view that I got through the miniscule cracks in his wall. It was easy from me to see in his eyes and smile that there was a man with a heart in there. There was no way that he could be as emotionless as he made himself appear. Not with the way he would look at me and touch me, kiss me with so much passion that my legs were barely able to hold me up. And it was hard to imagine that any man could live up to the beautiful person I saw inside.


	6. Don't Know What You Got 'Til It's Gone

**A/N: This song did not play that first night of my challenge to myself. But I was listening to music a couple days later, and this came up, and I realized that I had a huge gap in the story that this one would fill. Because Edward's POV was needed and it would have been skipped…not cool. And this was the perfect song. **

**http:/ www . youtube . com / watch?v=Pi4TFw1Xob8**

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><p><em>I can't give you back what's been hurt<br>Heartaches come and go and all that's left are the words  
>I can't let go<em>

_**Don't Know What You Got (Till It's Gone) ~ Cinderella**_

**Chapter 6 – Don't Know What You Got (Till It's Gone)**

I never expected it to feel this way when it all finally ended, and I knew somehow, it was bound to. Even when she set the proposition in front of me for a purely physical relationship six months before, I knew in the back of my mind that it couldn't last forever. She was a beautiful woman, inside and out, and I knew that someday, she would need—and deserved—more than just amazing nights of sex. I just never entertained the thought that it would be me that she'd want it _with_.

When she didn't show up for work the following day, I was concerned. I just figured that after the night she'd had, sitting up crying in the corner of my room, she just needed a day to rest. But when two more days passed with no sign of Bella, and she wasn't answering her phone for anyone, it became an all-out panic. I dreaded the thought that something might have happened to her, and I was at least partially the cause.

Each night, I'd gone home and lay in my bed, and it felt so cold and lonely without her there. I missed her smile when she looked at me, the gentle rise and fall of her chest as I watched her sleep, sometimes for hours. The hazy look in her eyes in the first moments after we woke up and then enjoyed each other again before she would have to leave. And only after all the little things like that were gone did I realize exactly how much I'd come to rely on them, and her, even outside the hospital.

The news finally came on that fourth day that she was actually coming in, someone having claimed she'd been sick, and I immediately went to her boss. I needed her in that OR with me that day, and I was pretty sure she would try to avoid me as she had the morning after everything had started between us. I convinced myself that it was strictly professional, and refused to acknowledge any contradicting thoughts. He fought me on it, arguing that anything that caused Bella Swan to miss three days of work, who _never_ called out sick since she started, was not something that needed to be in an OR. He wanted to see for himself that she was fully recovered before assigning her to any surgeries.

When I saw her walk through the doors shortly thereafter, it was confirmed in my mind that it was no flu bug that kept her from that hospital in the past few days. Her skin was paler than usual, but not in that pasty, sickly way. Her eyes were still slightly red-rimmed and bloodshot, but alert. And finally, the hard swallow and slight stiffening of her body when her eyes met mine and her boss called out to her.

I heard him tell her the same thing he'd told me—no surgeries—then turned to me as I drove my hand into my hair in frustration, speaking to me as if I were a child being put into a time-out. I gave one last look to Bella before I had to walk away, and it had little to do with my irritation.

She was hurt; it was obvious in her body language and downcast eyes, though it was the last thing I'd ever intended to do. Looking back, as I tried not to do as often as possible, I knew I shouldn't have gotten into the "sex only" relationship with her. I never should have even indulged in that first kiss in the parking lot of that restaurant. It had led her to that moment in my bedroom, believing that she had fallen in love with me, and I'd also come to care for her more than I ever meant to.

I loved the way she bit her lip as I held her face moments before I kissed her. I loved the careless way her bare leg would drape over mine whenever we would lie there in my bed and talk—the way she hadn't cared that we were both completely naked and never moved to even cover our bodies over with a sheet. I loved the flush of her cheek where it had rested on my pillow as she slept, and that way she would rub it upon awakening, pinkening it even more. But did I love _her_?

I'd never given it much thought due to the nature of our association; no emotions, no attachments. Those were her words. And now, I just honestly couldn't put my finger on what I felt for her.

I didn't need to look when I heard footsteps coming toward me as I stood at the board, my hands clasped behind my neck. I could sense her, feel her, smell her—and I needed to put up my guard. In that moment, I found myself hating Kristie. Not for the _act_ of cheating on me, I'd gotten over that the night it happened. But for the way it still affected me so deeply, that I couldn't seem to let it go and move past it, to open myself up to trust someone again. Even for an amazing woman like Bella; someone who could be good for me, who could actually be in love with me. _Does she love me?_

"Why?" I heard her voice beside me but I couldn't look at her. Not yet. I needed to strengthen my resolve, make it appear as if I wasn't missing her with everything in me. And there was no way I would accomplish that if I was looking into those beautiful brown eyes, fighting the urge to take her into my arms. I owed her the chance to move on and find happiness after everything I'd put her through.

"Why? Because there's not a single damn scrub nurse on the schedule that can work even half as well with me as you can," I said with anger lacing my tone to keep my mask in place, my eyes focused in front of me. And in turn, repeating my own words from months before. "Remember, Nurse Swan. In these halls and in that OR, I'm Dr. Cullen, not Edward. I'll leave you alone personally, but I still need you in that operating room."

I could almost feel her wince at my cold words and level tone, and I needed to get as far away from her as possible, as quickly as I could. I didn't want to hurt her; it was killing me to be such an ass to her. But it wouldn't be as easy for her to move forward if I showed I cared even a little.

And in the passing weeks, the strategy seemed to be working, at least to a point. The tension between us professionally had significantly lessened, and made it just as simple as before to work together. Occasionally, there would still be the passing glance between us, or the impulsive urge to take her by the hand and kiss her breathless, but I resisted.

Despite the fact that I still physically ached to have her beside me every night I went home to my cold, empty bed. Or that I missed her more every single day; her voice, her touch, her beautiful face that I rarely saw anymore without a mask covering all but her eyes. My heart pounded violently inside my chest every time I thought about her, and I was eventually able to answer the question I'd posed for myself since I lost her nearly two months before. Did I love her? Yes, I did.

However, there comes a point where "I love you" is just too damn late, and I was sure I'd already reached it. If she'd given me even the slightest hint that she still cared for me, then I would have told her everything, even how I felt. But I was the one who fucked up, not her. She was finally smiling more, getting back to the Bella she'd been before all the craziness between us began. I couldn't ruin that.

Until one day, we were standing side by side at the sinks, washing up following a long, difficult, but successful surgery. My attending surgeon, Dr. Ateara, stepped beside me at the next sink with a smile.

"Excellent work in there today, Dr. Cullen. You're looking more and more promising for Chief Resident when the time comes. Just make sure you hold on to this one. You two work together like an old married couple in there, and that's a hard thing to find. And a valuable one at that," he said with a nod to Bella, clapping my shoulder after drying his hands.

I closed my eyes and locked my jaw, attempting to calm myself before replying. "Thank you, sir."

I glanced over at Bella, who was drying off her hands as well, with the first hint of tears I'd seen in her eyes in weeks. She quickly shed her surgical gear and tossed it into the basket by the door, then rushed out of the room.

By the time I made it out to the hallway, she was nowhere to be found, but I knew I needed to talk to her. That one moment inside that room shattered everything I'd come to believe in the weeks before. One innocent comment from an unknowing party, and we both instantly reacted—but she had started to cry.

I waited at the nurse's station for her to return, periodically looking up from the chart of my next patient to the clock on the wall.

_Five minutes._

_Seven minutes. _

_Ten minutes. _It was like a watched pot never boiling, so I forced myself to focus until I absolutely couldn't anymore.

_Twenty minutes._

Where the hell was she? We had an appendectomy scheduled in half an hour—it wasn't like her to be late. The phone rang on the desk next to me and the bored sounding nurse answered it.

"Um, Dr. Cullen?" she said, not sounding bored anymore and I looked up to see her holding the phone to her ear uncertainly. "A Mr. Callaghan is looking for you?"

I sighed heavily. Marcus Callaghan, the husband of one of the terminal patients we were treating, whom we'd just told the day before that his wife, Sarah, had only a matter of days remaining. "I will go up and talk to him again with Dr. Ateara after this next surgery."

"Dr. Cullen, he's insisting on seeing you now. They say he's got a gun." I froze immediately and looked to her panicked face, noticing tears in her eyes as mine widened. "And he's got Bella."

My heart may as well have just stopped right there.


	7. I Surrender

**A/N: okay… so I blame my mother and way too much Grey's Anatomy for this chapter. I tend to go to my mom for any kind of medical advice I need as far as story plotlines, and when I went to her for something in this chapter, she told me about something that happened to her in the medical center she worked in years ago, and it did not help tame the hopping plot bunnies in my head. And this was after the drama of a seven season Greys Anatomy marathon I had just concluded, of course, in addition to how dramatic *I* can be at times, as many of you probably know. So that is probably also why this chapter ended up being a bit longer than the rest as well.**

**http:/ www . youtube . com / watch?v=UfXxzsEeFgU**

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><p><em>There's so much life I've left to live<br>And this fire's burning still  
>When I watch you look at me<br>I think I could find the will_

_**I Surrender ~ Celine Dion**_

**Chapter 7 – I Surrender**

_You two work together like an old married couple…_

Dr. Ateara's words shot through me like ice through my veins. Although meant as an innocent observation, it stirred up emotions I thought I'd sufficiently buried, and I needed to get out of there as quickly as possible. My anxiety only increased when I chanced a look at Edward. He looked tense, almost angry, as if even the thought of it was offensive.

I hurried out of the room and made my way down the long hallway, through the double doors and into the first bathroom I reached. I locked myself in the nearest stalled, attempting to collect myself for a few minutes, but my tears betrayed me and I crumpled to the floor, losing all traces of composure.

Why was I still allowing him to affect me so intensely? I'd been working beside him for weeks, finally strong enough to move past everything between us without tensing at the mere sound of his voice, or fighting off the temptation to reach out and touch him, inviting him back into my life. What the hell was wrong with me?

I was still in love with him, that's what. Nothing was taking that away, as much as I tried to will it, making it nearly impossible to get over him as I needed to. It didn't matter that he didn't feel that way for me or that he seemed it move past it all so quickly and easily.

I couldn't keep putting myself through those torturous thoughts. I was young with my whole life ahead of me. There was someone out there who would be good for me, who could give me what I deserved. And I shuddered at the thought of what would happen if anyone at the hospital began piecing things together, and figuring out exactly how I felt about him.

Professional. I could do professional.

With that thought in mind, I stood from the floor and exited the stall, making my way over to the sink. I splashed cold water on my face and gazed into the mirror as I dried my skin.

_Edward Cullen is in the past. Time to start living my life again._

I took a deep breath as I pulled open the door and took two steps out, gazing down the hall toward the double doors that would take me back to the OR.

A voice stopped me.

"Don't move."

I knew that voice without even looking. It had been haunting me since the day before. It was Mr. Callaghan, who'd fallen to pieces in front of us as Dr. Ateara told him that his comatose wife would never wake up; her cancer was too far progressed.

Just then, I felt the cool metal of what I assumed was the tip of a gun barrel pressed to the side of my neck. I held my breath, completely frozen in fear, unable to believe what was happening. Things like that only happened in movies, TV and novels, didn't they? No one would actually bring a gun into a hospital, I tried to convince myself and closed my eyes, willing the nightmare I seemed to be trapped in to disappear.

But it didn't, and instead, I felt the pressure on my skin increase.

"Now, we're going to take a little walk and you're going to get Dr. Cullen down here," he whispered roughly in my ear, nudging me forward with his chest.

"Sir, Dr. Cullen is about to head into surgery. I can go get him, if you'd like. He's right through those doors," I stammered out nervously, giving a sharp squeal in fear as his arm gripped tightly around my waist.

"No. He needs to come to my wife's room now. And we're all going to sit down and have a little talk," he replied with anger lacing his tone.

I watched the eyes of each doctor and nurse we passed on the way widen in fright, and I begged them all to find Dr. Cullen.

_Edward_. His name floated through my mind as did every single memory of my time with him. Was it really true that your life flashes before your eyes in the midst of a life threatening situation? And if so, why was he the only thing consuming my thoughts? Not my family or friends, favorite memories from growing up in Forks, my first kiss—just Edward.

I stood in front of Mr. Callaghan beside his wife's bed when I heard Edward's frantic voice in the hall before he suddenly appeared in the doorway. I saw him hold up his hands to my captor as he cocked the gun, and I closed my eyes against the terror running through me.

"Mr. Callaghan," Edward said in a calm tone, contrasting the look I'd just briefly seen on his face. His eyes were wide and his skin was pallid, as if he was just as scared as I was. "Whatever it is you want from me, this isn't the answer. Let Nurse Swan go and we'll talk."

"No, you are both staying right here," Mr. Callaghan replied through clenched teeth, the tremble in his voice making me even more nervous. With the cocked, presumably loaded, weapon pressed against my pulse point, I knew it would only take a slight twitch of his hand, and that gun would go off. So I fought to remain as still as possible while my insides were twisting. "I was watching you two when that pathetic excuse for a surgeon handed down my Sarah's death sentence. You're supposed to be doctors, not executioners. And you didn't agree with what he told me, I could see it. But neither you or this little nurse said a damn thing."

"I'm sorry, but you are mistaken, sir. I have seen your wife's scans, and unfortunately, I am inclined to agree with Dr. Ateara's assessment. The cancer in her brain is far too advanced, and the coma she has slipped into is the final stage," Edward spoke in a gentle, but firm tone. "Even if by some chance, your wife was strong enough to endure surgery, there is no way we could remove it all. And as it is, any attempt at surgery would almost surely lead to multiple organ failure. If she even survived, she still wouldn't rouse from her coma, and it would only buy her maybe a few months."

"You're going to try," Mr. Callaghan growled, stopping Edward as he tried to protest. "You're going to get her into that operating room, and help my wife. She's only twenty-six, too damn young to die. She deserves a chance at life."

Tears spilled down my cheeks as I listened to him speak. His desperation had turned to near insanity, and the woman lying in front of us was my age, though it was hard to believe by looking at her. Her eyes were sunken and she was so frail, the disease riddling her body seemingly aging her dramatically. It hadn't hit me before, in any of the times I'd looked at her chart, just how young she actually was.

My eyes met Edward's again and I could see the torment raging behind them, the only hint of his composure slipping at all. His hand rose to his mouth, running his fingers across his lips until he looked back down to Mrs. Callaghan, unconscious and oblivious to the events taking place around her.

"I can book an OR, but it will take some time. And I'll need to page Dr. Ateara to assist. I've never attempted anything like this on my own yet," Edward replied, shaking his head.

"I don't want that son of a bitch within a mile of touching my wife. He wouldn't even _try_ to help her. But you," Mr. Callaghan paused, gripping me tighter around the waist again, while still looking at Edward. "You understand what it would be like to lose something that important to you, don't you?"

"No!" Edward exclaimed with widened eyes at the venomous tone of the man's voice, moving forward a step and shaking his head. "I'll do the surgery, just please let Bella go."

My name. He said my name. Not Nurse Swan as he'd referred to me consistently since our goodbye—but _Bella_. He was scared, petrified even. Willing to do an impossible surgery that had been deemed futile the day before, in an effort to protect me and obtain my release from the man's hold, it seemed. There was nothing professional remaining in the man standing in front of me.

"That's what I thought. No man looks at a woman the way I've watched you look at her, and not be at least sweet on her," Mr. Callaghan said tensely, removing the gun from me and aiming it at Edward instead, but never releasing his grip on me. "Now get on that phone and do whatever needs to be done to get us all into that operating room."

Edward's hands shook as he reached for the phone, punching several numbers and making the request. I watched the gun from the corner of my eye, praying silently for nothing to happen to Edward. No matter what had transpired between us recently, I couldn't watch him get hurt, or worse. "Yes, we're both fine… No! No police. Just clear OR 1 immediately. We're on our way down."

I watched him take several deep breaths before looking back to us, nodding once as he began preparing Mrs. Callaghan for movement. The door opened suddenly, and Rick, one of the orderlies, began walking in with a gurney, taking Mr. Callaghan by surprise.

"Sir, I am going to need his help to get your wife down to surgery. This isn't a one person task," Edward said, the calm returning to his voice, though obviously not without effort. "I'm also going to need you to let go of Nurse Swan. I'll need her help in there, as well."

Mr. Callaghan's breath ghosted over my cheek as he turned his head to look between me and Edward, his arm tensing against me. I swallowed hard in an attempt to calm myself as well before speaking. "I promise, I won't run. I want to help."

I felt his arm reluctantly begin to release me and I made slow movements toward the bed. He held the gun on all three of us as we shifted his wife onto the gurney and began moving out of the room. The elevator ride seemed to take forever until we were finally making our way down the hall through the doors leading us to the OR.

While standing at the sinks, Edward and I locked gazes as we scrubbed.

"Are you all right?" he asked in a whispered and I simply nodded in response when the man behind us yelled for us to shut up.

I got myself prepped and assisted Edward with his surgical gown, gloves, and mask, running my hand briefly down his back when I finished the last tie. His muscles relaxed minutely under my touch before stepping toward the table. I watched as he began, his hands as steady as if there wasn't a gun pointed at him. His face was smooth, like this was just another day on the job. I didn't understand how he was doing it when my hands were shaking so badly, I nearly dropped every instrument I tried passing to him.

Then the sound he was dreading pierced through the room—the flatline of the heart monitor. The first hint of panic came over his features as his focus shifted from the surgery to resuscitation efforts. I froze, moving only robotically to assist him, but my mind went otherwise blank to all that was going on around me, my eyes locked on the gun.

She couldn't die. That gun would go off, possibly igniting the entire floor with one little spark. We would all die. My parents and friends would be devastated; it would probably kill my father. In addition, the friends and relatives of anyone else who might have been on those floors, if they hadn't evacuated already. Surely, they must have.

Lastly, I would never have another chance to tell Edward that I loved him.

"Damn it, come on!" Edward exclaimed, reaching his hand inside her chest that he had since opened and began manually massaging her heart.

Seconds, and then minutes, ticked by with no rhythm, despite his drastic attempts to resuscitate her. She wasn't coming back. She was gone.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, swallowing hard. "Dr. Cullen, it's been more than four minutes. You have to call it."

Edward shook his head, his gaze locked on the screen above him. "No, this isn't over. I have to get her back."

I turned my head to Mr. Callaghan, his eyes blurred with tears as he looked at his wife. "Sarah, please come back. Don't leave me."

I lifted my hand to rest on Edwards shoulder, but he still never ceased his actions. "Edward," I whispered and he closed his eyes, his head falling in defeat. "We have to let her go. It is over."

Edward stilled and removed his hand, resting it on the table beside her and looking up at the clock. "Time of death…fifteen thirty-four."

"No! Get back in there! Bring her back!" Mr. Callaghan yelled, pointing the gun solely at Edward.

He looked to the frantic man, his features blank as he spoke. "I'm sorry, Mr. Callaghan. There's nothing more I can do. She's gone. I'm so sorry. I'll stay, just let Nurse Swan and Mr. Melina go."

Mr. Callaghan shook his head, looking briefly to the orderly and nodded for him to leave before bringing his gaze back to us. "No, you took my Sarah from me. She was my world, my everything and you just … as calmly as if you were … don't you understand? I can't…"

I felt Edward's fingers wrap around my hand as we listened to the man ramble almost incoherently, squeezing it gently and whispering, "I love you, Bella," before straightening in preparation.

I tightened my hold on his hand, stepping as close to him as I possibly could, and whispered back. "I love you."

Mr. Callaghan's hand began to shake more as tears streamed down his face and I closed my eyes, concentrating on the feel of Edward so close to me, his arm touching mine. If it was going to be stripped away, I was going to focus on him for the last few moments I had. The feel of his skin, his scent that still permeated the sterile air around us, every little detail I had been working so hard over the last several weeks to forget.

Then I heard the click of the hammer releasing and my eyes shot back open, watching the man's hand lower to his side with the gun coming to rest on his thigh. He fell to his knees beside his wife, taking her hand and kissing it as he chanted her name over and over.

The doors flung open at that moment, men dressed in black rushing in with their guns aimed at the man who'd just held his on us for nearly two hours. He was pulled to his feet and swiftly disarmed, and as they began cuffing him, he looked to me and Edward, his eyes sad and full of remorse. "I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry. Thank you for trying. Take care of her."

His gaze held Edward's as he was led from the room and I began to shake. I felt him pull me to his chest and my arms clung around his waist. His embrace tightened on me as I cried against him and his lips pressed to my forehead. I could hear the voices surrounding us, asking if we were all right, but neither of us responded more than a nod. I resisted releasing Edward when they tried to pull us apart to remove us from the room and he seemed just as reluctant to let me go as well. His arm remained around my shoulders as we exited, and after what seemed like endless questioning by the police, we were told to go home for a few days.

When we reached my car, I began to tremble again and gripped tightly onto his hand. The thought of attempting to drive after everything that had transpired that day was terrifying, as was the knowledge that I would be home alone. "I can't do this. It's just too much."

Edward wrapped his arms around me as the full weight of everything struck me at once and I succumbed to body wracking sobs. His hand smoothed over my hair and I felt his heart pounding against my cheek where it rested on his chest. "Come on, I'll take you back to my place."

My eyes shot up to his and I took a shuddering breath. "Edward, I…"

"I'll be the perfect gentleman, I promise. I'll sleep on the couch," he said in a soft voice, gently caressing my cheek with his fingers. "You shouldn't be alone tonight."

And as always, I silently responded to his request with a nod and he led me to his car.


	8. That's When I'll Stop Loving You

**A/N: At least one song by these guys was **_**bound**_** to come up, since I'm a not-so-closet-fan of theirs. But when this was the one that came up when it did, I nearly broke into tears right there, and this was probably one of the most clear scenes in my head I had for the whole entire story. Hope you enjoy.**

**http:/ www . youtube . com / watch?v=mXBg3-doocM **

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><p><em>I'm sure you've heard these words before<br>And I know it's hard for you to trust them once more  
>You're afraid it all might end<br>And a broken heart is scared of breaking again_

_**That's When I'll Stop Loving You ~ N Sync**_

**Chapter 8 – That's When I'll Stop Loving You**

It was nearly impossible for me to fall asleep that night, even with the wine Edward had given me to calm myself after a shower hadn't helped at all. I couldn't stop crying, shaking, reliving every single moment of our experience that day. I'd called my dad and Angela to let them know I was okay and with a friend, knowing I could count on them to tell everyone else as well. I just wanted to let everything go and not think anymore.

Edward took me to his room, settling me into his bed and I reached for his hand as he turned to leave. His scent surrounding me from his sheets and the large t-shirt he'd given me to wear wasn't enough—I needed _him_. To feel his arms around me and know in that moment, I was safe—_we_ were safe.

I had no recollection of actually drifting off, but I woke the next morning in his bed…alone. And the fear settled in again. I quickly rose and made my way out to the living room, where I found him lying on the couch, wide awake and staring at the ceiling.

"Hi," I whispered softly so I wouldn't startle him and his eyes shifted quickly to meet mine, but he was otherwise motionless. "Did you sleep at all?"

Edward sighed and shook his head, his gaze returning above him. "I couldn't stop thinking about it. Just kept running through my mind over and over. Seeing him with that gun on you, feeling completely helpless like that. I knew I couldn't save her, but I went in there anyway. To lose you like that, too…"

I began walking toward him as he trailed off, kneeling on the floor beside him and resting my hand on his arm. His rose to cover it and his eyes closed tightly, and I half expected him to remove my touch from him. Instead, he gripped my hand securely and moved it to his chest, and I could see that he needed me right then as much as I needed him the night before. Aside from Alex, we were the only ones who could even begin to comprehend what the other had been through. "You tried, Edward. And that's all you could do. We're both going to be just fine."

"I know," he whispered, lifting my palm to his lips, holding it there for a long moment before lowering it back to his chest. "Bella, what I said in there—"

I shook my head to stop him, barely able to come to terms with everything else that had happened without thinking about our last moments in that room. "Edward, don't. I understand. It was a tense moment and we thought we were about to die. No one can be expected to be held completely accountable for their actions or words under duress like that. We don't need to talk about any of that right now."

"I meant it," he answered simply, a resolute expression on his face. "Losing you was the worst and best thing that ever happened to me."

I looked at him, puzzled. "That doesn't make any sense."

"It does," he replied, rising and pulling me up to sit beside him. He shifted to the side to face me more directly, never releasing my hand. "I've been a mess, Bella. When you left that day, I literally hurt in places that I didn't even know existed. I never thought that was anything more than a stupid figure of speech before that moment."

"But you were fine. Every day, I would see you at work, and you were fine," I replied in disbelief, shaking my head.

"Dr. Cullen was fine. He came to work, did his job, remained detached. Professional, as always. It wasn't Dr. Cullen in that room yesterday. That was the most unprofessional day of my entire career thus far," he said softly, his eyes lowered to our joined hands and his thumb running slowly along mine. "I couldn't shut down my emotions, no matter how hard I tried. I kept seeing you on that table in front of me, not Mrs. Callaghan. Even though I knew for a fact that you were standing right next to me. I have no idea how I managed to not slip even one time in there. That my hands weren't shaking as badly as they felt they were. Except that I had to save you, I had to keep you there with me."

Tears were brimming my eyes as he spoke, his fingers gradually tightening on me and pulling my hand closer to him. I had no idea what to say, or what I _could_ say, in response to that. I couldn't imagine the feeling of trying to remain focused with the image of Edward in front of me, his life in my hands. At the same time, it almost seemed as if he were confusing fear for love. Maybe even guilt, feeling responsible for my not being behind the safety of the double doors, where I'd been only minutes before the events of the previous day began to unfold.

"I know how this seems. Like it took something drastic like this for me to tell you … how I felt, but I can assure you, that's not the case. Not that I really expect you to believe me at all," he mumbled and then slowly brought his glistening eyes to meet mine, and my heart started pounding. "I left you alone because I knew you needed me to, Bella. No other reason. You wanted to get over me, and I knew that was probably the best thing you could do. You deserved more of a man than I knew I could be at the time."

I drew in a deep breath and leaned back into the cushions, lowering my eyes again. "Is it because you're not over Dr. Ledermann?"

I felt his eyes on me as I blurted out the question that had been plaguing my thoughts for months. No one knew for sure what had happened between the two of them, although rumors were abundant when she started publicly dating Dr. Bernadet, increasing when they announced their engagement just seven months later. And while he'd seemed unaffected by the news at the time, I had to wonder how much of that was actually Edward. If he was really just that good at masking his emotions.

Edward leaned forward, releasing my hand and resting his elbows on his knees. I looked at him to gauge his reaction to my question and I watched his hands rise to tent in front of his lips. "Truth?"

"Of course," I replied, my stomach turning over as he inhaled deeply and began to nod.

"Yes and no," he answered, only confusing me more. "I'm over _her_ and our relationship ending. But not so much the 'why'. And I know that's not exactly exuding brute masculinity, but the way I was raised, you just don't do that to anyone."

My hands rose to cover my mouth and my eyes widened as he relayed to me the events of that day in the on call room, leading up to the diamond ring sinking to the bottom of the toilet. I couldn't imagine going through something like that. To feel so sure that you had found the person you were meant to share the rest of your life with, only to find out in so brutal of a way, that they didn't feel as strongly.

"So you thought that if you had feelings for me, I'd do the same thing?" I asked, attempting to not sound offended by the notion. I could never do something like that to anyone, let alone someone I cared about as much as I did for Edward.

"No, I knew you wouldn't, Bella. But I also knew that I couldn't be in an emotional relationship with anyone until I stopped being so damn angry over my last one. It wouldn't be fair," he replied and finally leaned back into the couch, reaching for my hand again and sliding his fingers between mine. They remained extended until I folded my own around his hand and he repeated the motion. "And that's where the 'best' part of you breaking things off with me comes in. I needed a reality check, I wasn't _dealing_ with anything. I just decided I was over it and was going to move on with my life, get my damn residency done, and go back where I belong. And that's why my walls were still up. I was just avoiding everything, and not letting myself really open up to anyone, even you. But by the time I realized all this and how I felt about you, you were doing so well and moving on, you were able to work with me again without a problem. I wasn't going to rob you of that. But then you started crying when Dr. Ateara made that comment, and completely threw me for a loop. I was going to try talking to you later, but then…"

"Yeah," I replied with a trembling breath, not wanting to remember any more than he did. "You honestly thought I'd gotten over you? Just like that?"

My retort was somewhat sarcastic and I rolled my eyes as tears formed in them again. Damn it! The last twenty-four hours had been an emotional rollercoaster, and I had a feeling it would be for a long time to come.

"Edward," I said softly, holding his hand firmly in mine and I shook my head. "I understand that with what your ex did, 'I love you' may not carry a lot of weight with you. It's just words, right? And once trust is broken, I know it's very hard to build back up again. But yesterday, my biggest fear wasn't that I was going to die. It was that I would die without being able to tell you one more time. And that you'd never know that I meant it."

Edward's grip tightened slightly around my hand and his eyes closed with a pained expression on his face that I couldn't understand. "It's not just words, Bella. It's one very meaningful statement that's thrown around way too carelessly. And I think that's what scares me the most with you."

My hand rose to his face and turned his head to look at me, though he resisted for a moment before opening his eyes again. "The only other man I've ever said that statement to is my dad. And the only man I want to say it to from here on out is you. But if you're not ready for that, like I said before, I understand."

Edward's gaze held mine until he pressed his cheek into my palm, brushing his lips lightly against my wrist. "It's not that, Bella. I want to be. I just don't know how to even begin. To move past it all."

"Slowly. I can wait for you to trust me, to know that I would never do that to you. I'm not expecting it to happen immediately," I whispered, running my thumb gently along his skin.

"You shouldn't have to make up for something you didn't cause," he replied with a heavy sigh, shaking his head.

"Everyone has baggage from their past of some kind, and I know I can't make up for what she did," I said softly, tucking my legs beneath me on the couch as I turned to face him, my knees brushing the side of his thigh. "But I _can_ promise that you would never be made to feel that way again with me. I want you in a way that I've never wanted anyone, and if there's a chance you could feel that way for me, it's definitely worth the wait."

I watched his eyes as they flickered over my face, finally falling to my lap where I'd clasped his hand between both of mine. "Bella, you made me happier in those six months we had together than I've been in a long time, even though I didn't realize how much at the time. And while the sex really _was_ incredible, that had very little to do with it. I really enjoyed having you here with me. You made me feel good and laugh. I didn't feel like you were there because you felt you had to be. Subconsciously, I honestly believe that's why I called you as much as I did. I'm really not that insatiable all the time, I just couldn't admit that I needed you, even to myself. Especially since this was just supposed to be a physical thing. You were bound to leave me someday. The less I allowed myself to feel, the less it would bother me. At least, that was my thinking."

My hand rose to trace though his hair and his eyes closed at my touch. "You know I didn't leave because I wanted to, don't you?"

Edward nodded, his hand coming to rest on my thigh and his gaze following its path along my skin. "I do. But I also didn't think it would hurt this much. I don't want to lose you again, Bella."

"You won't," I replied and his eyes met mine as my fingers gently traced along his jaw. "You'll never lose me. I love you."

He took a slow breath in and out through his mouth and then ran his tongue over his lower lip with a tightened brow. I could see the torment in his features of wanting to return the sentiment, and the fear of uttering it again. The pain from the memories those words evoked in him, of the woman before me. I knew it would be a long road with him, to earn his trust even though I knew I already had his heart. I could see it in his eyes the one and only time he said it to me, in his desperate words and actions to protect me, and in the moments we'd shared that morning. Hearing the words again would have been nice, but they weren't necessary—for now.

And he _was_ worth the wait.


	9. Forever Tonight

**And moving forward...  
><strong>

**http:/ www . youtube . com / watch?v=TCvKqr6Zwlo**

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><p><em>When we close the door all I need is in your eyes<br>I wanna take forever tonight_

_**Forever Tonight ~ Peter Cetera and Crystal Bernard**_

**Chapter 9 – Forever Tonight**

After being told not to return to work for at least three days following the incident, Bella and I barely left one another's side. We talked as little as possible about the events at the hospital, and chose instead to focus on moving forward, together. We woke up beside each other each morning, after falling asleep there the night before. I fought to say the words I'd longed to utter again since that terrifying moment in the OR, wanting her to know how much I did. But each time I tried, my throat would tighten and my tongue would lock in its place, making it impossible for me to say a thing. Each time, Bella would just smile, kiss me gently, and roll onto her side, tugging my arm around her and pulling my body against her back.

We had yet to resume the physical aspect of our relationship, which I'd admit, was no easy task. Having her so close those nights, her body pressed against me as she slept…and I had to sneak out of bed for a quick "shower" once she'd fallen asleep. But still, I knew how important it was to build on the other aspects of our relationship before picking up the one thing we were _very _familiar with.

Like going out on a date.

We made plans to do just that on Saturday night, not wanting to have anywhere to be the following morning. We both, thankfully, had Sunday off and we were looking forward to one whole night just for the two of us.

At her insistence, we met at the restaurant, and she took my breath away when I spotted her at the entrance. Most women I knew stuck to the trusty "little black dress" for their first date with a man, and that was what I was looking for as my eyes scanned the room.

Not my Bella, in fact, just the opposite. She wore a knee-length white dress with a skirt that billowed around her legs as she walked toward me with a knowing smile on her lips.

I'd made no secret that her legs were one of my favorite parts of her body, and anything that drew more attention to them would drive me insane, and she knew it. And that was accomplished with that skirt, and the accompanying heels. And when I saw the delicate chain encircling her ankle, I was a goner.

"Hi, handsome," she whispered softly, kissing me as she ran her fingers down the thin black tie I wore—which suddenly felt way too tight, as well as…

_Focus with your brain, stupid,_ I admonished myself and returned her kiss, but couldn't stop myself from sliding my arm securely around her waist. A man knows when other men are staring at his girlfriend, and with one as stunning as Bella, I didn't want to give them the chance to even form a thought in their heads.

The beautiful woman at my side was there with _me_, she'd be going home with _me_ that night. When I closed my eyes, her face would be the last thing I'd see.

I couldn't stop touching her throughout dinner, and she seemed to be taken by the same affliction. She sat beside me in the booth rather than across from me, tracing along my thigh with her fingertips through the thin fabric of my slacks as we talked. Or brushing her pinky against the back of my hand as we ate. And she never stopped smiling once.

Oh hell yes, I knew exactly how lucky I was to have her, and my sole intention was to devote every moment of the evening to showing her how I felt about her, even if I couldn't manage to say it. Actions spoke louder than words, didn't they? At least, that's what I'd always heard. And I hoped with everything in me that it was true.

Bella held my hand tightly as we made our way up the stairs to my apartment door. Since we'd returned to work, she'd been spending the nights at her place, and even after only three days of having her beside me, I was spoiled. I missed feeling her there, the traces of her scent left behind on my pillow when she rose in the morning, and the gentle brushes of her lips on my shoulder when she would finally wake me.

After spending nearly two months apart, I never wanted to be without her again, no matter how brief or necessary at times. However, that night was mine with her and I intended to make the most of it.

I led her inside my dark apartment and flipped on the light, and was met with her shiver and a breathy sigh. A large vase of a dozen, long stem roses sat in the center of the coffee table. She released my hand and walked over to them, running her fingers lightly over the soft petals.

I stepped behind her, kissing her neck and sliding my arms around her, and she rested her head back against my shoulder. "I wanted to do this thing I saw in some movie once, and fill the room with one rose for every moment I thought of you last night. But unfortunately, my paycheck would never be able to cover that."

A soft giggle escaped her and she hugged my arms more firmly around her. "You've actually watched Sweet Home Alabama? Never would have pegged you for romantic comedies."

"Damn. Busted," I replied with a laugh, pressing my lips to her neck.

"I won't tell," she whispered, turning in my arms to face me and her eyes rising to mine. "Thank you. They're beautiful."

I contemplated a cheesy line like "Not as beautiful as you," but I refrained, meeting her lips with mine instead. Her arms encircled my shoulders, pressing her body closer to mine and returning the kiss in slow earnest. I felt more passion and desire from her in that moment than any other single time in the past. But again, I didn't want to rush the night. I wanted to hold her, touch her, look at her, not just whisk her off to the bedroom so soon.

I pulled back from her and her eyes opened to look at me in confusion. I gave her a smile and made my way over to the stereo, turning it on and pressing play before returning to her with my hand extended. "Would you dance with me?"

Bella bit her lip gently to mask her smile, placing her hand in mine while the other reached down to remove her shoes. "I'm dangerous enough on the dance floor without the help of heels."

I chuckled and pulled her into my arms, resting my forehead against hers as I felt her fingers running lightly over the back of my neck. "Don't worry. I won't let you fall."

"You are _way_ too late for that," she whispered and I opened my eyes to look at her, her gaze holding mine seriously. Guess I wasn't the only one prone to cheesy lines, but I definitely didn't mind. Her smile slowly returned as we swayed lightly to the soft melody of piano filling the room. "So, slow dancing, romantic comedies, and classical music. You are just full of surprises tonight."

"And roses. Don't forget the roses," I teased her and she laughed, rolling her eyes and linking her hands behind my neck. "Have I scared you off yet?"

Bella shook her head slowly, the soft light of the room reflecting beautifully in her eyes. "Not even close. I kinda love surprises like that."

I rested my cheek against her hair as she laid her head on my shoulder, sliding my hands along the small of her back. For the first time in as long as I could remember, I felt complete peace and happiness, holding her and enjoying the quiet moment between us. Her fingers played lightly with my hair at my collar and her face pressed more firmly to my chest. Her soft brown strands ghosted along my skin as I brushed my lips over them and her hold around me tightened, lifting her head up to look at me again and I kissed her gently. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too," she replied in a breathy whisper, running her nose along mine with her eyes closed. "I want you, Edward."

And that was all it took for me to completely submit to her. I answered her with a firm kiss and I lifted her into my arms, carrying her into the bedroom.


	10. I'll Make Love To You

**http:/ www . youtube . com / watch?v=fV8vB1BB2qc&ob=av2e**

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><p><em>Baby tonight is your night<br>And I will do you right_

_**I'll Make Love To You ~ Boys II Men**_

**Chapter 10 – I'll Make Love To You**

The entire night with Edward had been absolutely perfect. From his face lighting up when he saw me to the way he held me almost possessively beside him, dinner and wine, roses and dancing, everything I could have ever wanted from a first date and then some. His eyes held more tenderness as he gazed at me than I'd ever seen from him, or anyone for that matter, and he couldn't seem to get close enough to me all evening. And as I stood in his arms, swaying with him to the music and hearing him tell me he missed me, my body trembled in his hold.

Of course, I returned the sentiment. I _had_ missed him, both in the previous two months, and if possible, more so in the last few days apart. I missed his arms around me at night, his voice lulling me to sleep, opening my eyes in the morning to see him there next to me, and even getting up to make his coffee before waking him. Such simple things but their absence bore an unyielding presence on me, as I lie restless in my own bed alone.

However, my body still ached for him, and we hadn't even touched in any sexual way since we'd gotten together. When it was only a physical thing with us, we couldn't keep our hands off each other, and since then, he'd seemed almost hesitant about it, and I didn't understand why. I knew there was more between us than just sex, but I wanted to feel him touch me and the pleasure of his body joined with mine.

"I want you, Edward," I whispered against him and he opened his eyes to look at me for a moment before sealing his lips over mine in a sound kiss.

For one fleeting second, I thought that was as far as it was going to go, until I felt his arm sweep my legs out from under me. I tightened my hold around his neck as he carried me through the apartment to the bedroom and kicked the door closed behind him. His lips parted from mine as he set my feet on the floor and I began tugging at his tie to remove it. I watched his hand cover mine, pressing it to his chest and then taking my face between his palms, ghosting a soft kiss against my lips.

"Slow down, baby. I'm not going anywhere and I'm going to do this right."

I swallowed hard as my breath stilled in my chest at his words and the term of endearment, the resonance in his voice causing a tremor to run down my neck and spine, settling in the pit of my stomach. His hands settled on my shoulders and he turned me slowly to face away from him. I felt his fingers run over the skin of my back and his lips brush along my neck as he lowered the zipper of my dress.

Edward was giving a whole new meaning to the gentleness I had become accustomed to with him in the past as he lowered the fabric from my shoulders. He swept my hair to the side as my dress pooled to the floor at my feet and kissed the back of my neck, running his hands down my arms until they reached mine, lacing his fingers between mine.

I stood very still, enjoying his slow, sensual motions, something that was definitely different from any other time I'd been in that room with him. It was almost as if he was drinking me in, touching every inch he could reach, and absorbing me into his soul. Any previous fears that I'd lost my desirability with him completely disappeared—I'd never felt _more_ desirable and cherished in my life.

"Have I mentioned how beautiful you look tonight?" Edward whispered beside my ear and I turned my head to look back at him. His lips descended on mine, kissing me with that gentle, burning passion that was driving me crazy with my own desire for him.

I turned again to face him, releasing his hands and clasping mine on either side of his face without parting my lips from his. We began making steps back toward the bed and our kiss finally broke as he lowered me to the mattress, hovering above me for a moment. I shifted beneath him impatiently, causing him to chuckle and bring his lips to press to the valley between my breasts.

"You might have hinted at it a time or two tonight," I finally replied, dragging my nails lightly over his scalp as my fingers ran through his hair.

His body still did not make contact with mine, even when I arched my back and tugged gently on his shoulder to pull him closer. With one final brush of his lips on mine, he backed off the bed, gazing down at me as he began tugging off his tie.

I didn't move, I only watched him. First sliding the long strip of fabric from beneath his collar and tossing it aside before bringing his fingers to slowly unbutton his shirt, kicking off his shoes and socks at the same time. My eyes following his hands movements, revealing him to me a couple of torturous inches at a time and locking on his waistline when he pulled the shirt apart to let it fall from his shoulders. My gaze moved over the lines of muscle and the light trail of hair leading into his pants.

"Baby?" I heard him whisper and looked up to him just as he knelt on the bed between my legs, and running his hands along the outsides of my thighs. I felt the blush heat my face, knowing he'd caught me staring at him, but then I realized—he was _mine_ to ogle if I chose to. The breathtaking man above me was actually _mine_, and that knowledge gave me such a thrill of excitement.

I smirked at him, sliding up the bed until my head rested on the pillow and watching his eyes run the length of my body. "Baby?"

Edward's eyes met mine and the smile lines around them deepened when his lips curled upward as I mimicked his statement and tone from moments before. He crawled up the bed, kissing along my abdomen to the swell of my breast, finally reaching my lips. My arms slid around his back as his body settled on top of mine, and my fingers splayed over his skin. He rolled his hips against me and I moaned, needing him so badly that I felt as if I might combust.

I whimpered when he rolled off at me, trying so hard to hold him in place and closing my eyes as his fingers began to explore my skin. He'd never been so slow and patient before, and I couldn't entirely say that I was minding it too much. It was what I was yearning for, to feel his touch and his want for me—and I was. I felt it in every brush of his hand over my body, in every sound he made, without him having to vocalize anything.

Edward's fingers slid beneath the strap of my bra and his lips trailed kisses along my collarbone as he moved it off my shoulder. My neck arched when he repeated the action on the other side and finally unhooked the front clasp.

I opened my eyes when I felt the back of his hand brush softly along my cheek and held his gaze for a moment before his lips met mine again. His arm slid beneath me and he rolled our bodies to move me on top of him, and the feeling of our bare chests pressing together caused a groan from each of us. His hands moved to my hips, squeezing them gently as I maneuvered my arms through the straps and tossed my bra to the floor.

I couldn't wait anymore—I needed to feel all of him against me. I kissed my way down his chest and stomach, and upon reaching the waistline of his pants, my fingers went to work at unfastening them. His hands wove into my hair as I lowered the zipper, brushing along the side of his length through the fabric with the movement. His hips rose in response and I took the opportunity to slide his clothing down his long legs, allowing them to fall from my hand at the foot of the bed. My panties joined them quickly and I moved back up his body, straddling his hips and pressing mine against his erection. With a sharp breath, he gripped my thighs, switching our positions again and the fire and urgency returned to his kiss.

It slowly faded to a simmering smolder until he rested his forehead against mine, his heavy breaths rushing over my skin. I ran my hands along his arms to his shoulders, brushing my lips against his softly. He slowly entered me and I felt a warmth spread through my entire body, the anticipation of what was to come heightening the sensation until he filled me completely. My head pressed back into the pillow as I gripped his shoulders and he kissed along my neck, remaining otherwise still on top of me.

Edward's face finally came into my view again and there was a look in his eyes I'd never seen before. So deep and filled with emotion, mixed with the obvious desire, I couldn't have spoken if I wanted to. I traced the contours of his jaw with my fingertips, moving to his lips and he closed his eyes as he pressed a kiss to them. His first movement came slow and purposeful and my arms slid around him in response, threading my fingers in his hair.

He was making love to me—everything made sense to me then. His hesitance in the past week and even that night, the tenderness and his words of "doing this right", and the intimacy with each touch. More than ever, I could feel how much he loved me and it was overwhelming.

I sighed with a moan as his body rocked against me, feeling his hand resting on my thigh and pressing it against his side. Our gazes held the other's, never breaking even with the light brushes of our lips. It was a moment that it seemed neither of us wanted to miss a second of. There were no more words or sounds between us; we were both so wrapped in each other, they weren't needed.


	11. Blind Faith

**http:/ www . youtube . com / watch?v=uNoJ9YHtqq0&feature=fvst**

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><p><em>And I'm not sure if I deserve<br>A woman so true but I love  
>That you think I do.<em>

_**Blind Faith ~ Warrant**_

**Chapter 11 – Blind Faith**

The sun had just begun to make its first appearance on the horizon, and I found myself wide awake and restless, with Bella still curled against my side. I looked down to her as she shifted slightly in her sleep, nuzzling her cheek into my chest before settling back into slow even breaths. I knew she probably wouldn't be up for a while, after just falling asleep three hours before, but I was on edge, body and mind. I rolled her gently onto her back, trying not to wake her as I got out of bed, kissing her cheek before grabbing some clothes and heading for the shower.

The night before had been beyond description. Maybe it was due to the two months we'd spent apart, but I doubted it. Even though we'd both confirmed to each other earlier in the week that neither of us had been with anyone else in any way since our separation, it could hardly account for the way it felt each time we made love before she fell asleep in my arms.

I'd never given much thought to the term "making love" before that night, even in the two years I'd been with Kristie. Yet, even before the evening with Bella began, I'd known that it wouldn't have felt right to be any other way with her. She was amazing and quite simply the best thing in my life; smart, beautiful, had the most intoxicating and infectious laugh, and she was so damn patient.

Despite her feelings for me, I half expected her to walk away from me each time she told me she loved me and I didn't give the obvious answer, as so many women would have done. I always answered with a kiss somewhere on her body—her lips, cheek, neck, shoulder, and the night before, her ankle and inner thigh. But she never did, and she also never ceased to tell and show me, as she had just as she was falling asleep hours before.

"I love you," she whispered in a drowsy tone, pressing her lips softly against my chest and draping her arm over my stomach.

I was surprised that she was able to fall asleep with the pounding of my heart right beneath her ear. As she still was when I exited the bathroom twenty minutes later, gazing at her from the doorway. She had rolled over onto her stomach and the sheet rested low on her waist, the rising sun giving her skin an orange glow as it filtered through the windows. She appeared so peaceful and completely content, even as she slept.

I knew damn well I didn't deserve her; a fact she'd argued several times and I was positive she would be then as well if she were awake and could read my mind. And I had to admit, it was something I really loved about her.

She loved me through my faults. She never pressured me for anything that I wasn't already fully willing and ready to give. Even after everything we'd been through, she was still waiting.

I crossed the room toward the bed, climbing onto it carefully and lying down beside her. Running the backs of my fingers down the bare skin of her back, I leaned down to press a gentle kiss to her hair. "I love you, too, Bella."

"I know you do," she replied softly to my whispered words, a small smile touching her lips.

"I thought you were sleeping," I said with a teasing growl and she rolled over, opening her eyes to look at me.

"I was until you got up. I still don't sleep well without you next to me," Bella murmured, tugging my arm around her and snuggling against my chest.

"Then I guess we better make sure that happens as little as possible, huh?" I breathed against her lips before sealing them with mine as she nodded.


	12. Chicken Fried

**http:/ www . youtube . com / watch?v=e4ujS1er1r0&ob=av3e**

* * *

><p><em>Well I`ve seen the sunrise<br>See the love in my woman`s eyes  
>Feel the touch of a precious child<br>And know a mother`s love_

_**Chicken Fried ~ Zac Brown Band**_

**Chapter 12 – Chicken Fried**

When Edward told me that he wanted me to come "home" with him for Thanksgiving, I was immediately taken off-guard and more than a little nervous about it. We'd only been together for a few weeks and he was already taking me to meet his family. It seemed really fast for a man, who I'd learned, never once took his girlfriend of two years back home, but after less than a month, he wanted me there with him for the holiday.

With all the progress we'd made in our time together, one thing he remained shielded about was where he'd come from. All my efforts to coerce information from him on our destination, once I'd informed my family I wouldn't be there for Thanksgiving, were met with a smile and a shake of his head. Was he embarrassed by his roots? It didn't seem that way with as anxious as he was to go and take me with him. He got a thrill out of telling me that we were driving, so I wouldn't even have a plane ticket to draw information from. It was like watching a little kid at Christmas or something, saying that I'd need to see it to believe it. It was frustrating and unnerving, but at the same time, a little exciting. The not knowing added a sense of adventure, particularly for someone like me, who'd never even crossed the Washington state line.

However, the further we drove, the more nervous I became. As we crossed into Georgia, I noticed Edward's fingers tapping incessantly on the steering wheel while his other hand held mine securely on his thigh. My mind was whirling again, trying to piece together all the things I'd learned about him and observed, and nothing seemed to fit. Most importantly, he didn't _sound_ like a southern boy. The heavy drawl one would expect from someone originating from the lower southern states was not present in his voice at all. It was made all the more obvious when we stopped at the motel the night before, for a few hours rest and a shower before we arrived at his home the following day. I listened to the people around me talk, and it was nothing even remotely similar to Edward's smooth, soft voice. Their mannerisms were different; they were very outspoken, which he was not. Nothing made sense.

The next morning, I stepped out of the bathroom, dressed in the outfit I'd brought to meet his family in and his smile broadened with amusement lighting his eyes. I looked down to the sundress I wore, praying that it wasn't wrinkled or I'd gotten something on it. I saw nothing.

"What?" I asked impatiently while he chuckled and kissed my forehead.

"Nothing. You look amazing, even if you are a little overdressed," he replied and moved back over to the bed to zip his bag closed.

I folded my arms over my chest, gazing at him in frustration. "To meet your family? Are you kidding? If anything, I'm _under_dressed."

Edward stepped back toward me, resting his hands on my waist and brushing his lips gently against mine. "They will love you, Bella. You don't need to try so hard to impress them."

I minimally relaxed as his thumbs gently stroked my sides. "Well, maybe if I knew what to expect, I could have dressed more appropriately."

"Nice try, baby," Edward said with a smirk, taking my hand and grabbing the luggage off the bed, leading me toward the motel room door.

I followed him with a heavy sigh; he still wasn't relenting. "Okay, I give up. You don't have the accent for here, and there's no way you're from Florida. You're as pale as I am. We're running out of states here."

Edward laughed and shook his head, tossing our suitcases into the trunk and then moving to open my door for me. "You can't judge a book by its cover, Bella. And I haven't always been this pale. You'll see why."

I raised my eyebrow at him for a moment when he winked at me before closing my door and moving around the car to get in himself. His laughter only increased as we got back onto the highway, and his continued silence caused me to growl and look out the side window. I watched each mile marker pass until my attention was caught by the sound of his turn signal and he merged onto the exit ramp. Before long, sparse farmland surrounded us with horses and cows grazing lazily in the morning sun, and as I turned my gaze back to Edward, he looked completely different. His usually rigid features had softened and his body appeared more relaxed—he was home, and I was speechless.

He turned onto a long dirt road with pastures on either side of us, and ahead of us was a small house in the distance with a large barn off to the right. On the front porch sat a little girl, scribbling furiously on the pad in her lap until we pulled to stop, and she looked up with a huge smile as Edward got out of the car.

"Edward!" she exclaimed, running toward him and jumping into his arms.

"Hey little one," Edward replied, and there it was—the drawl. I stared at him in disbelief, watching him swing the little girl who hugged tightly around his neck in a circle. "Oh lord, how I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too!" she said excitedly, wrapping her legs around his waist.

"Alice, quit smotherin' your brother," a woman with thick caramel hair pulled back into a long ponytail called out from the doorway of the house. She hurried down the front steps and made her way toward Edward. "Hey there, baby."

"Hi, Mama," he replied, wrapping one arm around her shoulder and kissing her cheek, while still keeping hold of little Alice with the other.

His mother's eyes moved to me, standing a few feet behind him, and her smile grew on her face. "Is this her?"

Edward glanced back at me over his shoulder as he released his hold on her and he nodded, reaching his hand back for mine. "Yes. Mama, this is my girlfriend, Bella. This is my mother, Esme."

"It's nice to meet you," I said in a very small voice, my nerves getting the better of me again, and she wrapped her arms around me tightly.

A huff of frustration sounded from Alice and we both looked over to see her glaring sternly at Edward and clearing her throat. "And this little brat here is my kid sister, Alice."

"I'm not little! I'm twelve!" she admonished him, causing us all to laugh. She looked at me and then whispered in her brother's ear. "She's real pretty."

My eyes lowered with my blush and I felt Edward gently tug my hand to pull me to his side. "Please excuse my sister. I think she's literally raised in the barn."

"Shut up. It's the truth. _Way_ prettier than all your other girlfriends," Alice replied, unhooking her legs from around him and shimmying to the ground. "Daddy! Edward and Bella are here!"

I jumped at the sudden, loud exclamation as she ran toward the barn; for someone so petite, she definitely had a pair of lungs on her. Edward leaned toward me as I looked up at him questioningly, a shy expression on his face. "She exaggerates. There weren't that many. Alice just has a really active imagination."

"Come on, you two. Your daddy'll be in for lunch in a little while anyway. Why don't you take Bella on up to Alice's room and let her settle in while I get the food ready?" Esme spoke to Edward, gesturing toward the house with her hand before heading inside.

"Yes, ma'am," Edward replied with a smile and walking around to the back of the car to grab our suitcases. I stood unmoving, completely overwhelmed by my surroundings, as well as Edward. Never in a million years would I have been able to imagine him there if I hadn't seen it myself, and now it was nearly impossible to picture him anywhere else.

Edward took my hand and led me into the house and up the stairs, but I could barely feel my feet making contact with the floor. The transformation I'd witnessed in him since our arrival there was mind-boggling. So relaxed and calm, a doting and affectionate big brother, a loving and devoted son. And calling his mother "_ma'am"_—respect like that wouldn't be found anywhere in Washington. If it was possible to fall in love with him more, I was sure I was doing it right at that moment.

We stepped through the doorway of the small, _very_ pink bedroom and my eyes shifted over to Edward. He set my suitcase down and ran his hand through his hair, which made me smirk slightly. "Your sister's room? Really?"

"Yeah, I guess I should have at least warned you about that," Edward replied, clearing his throat and a faint blush colored his cheeks—how _very_ different he was there, I thought. "My folks aren't naïve or anything, but in their house, they're pretty old fashioned and I'm still their son. And we're not married. So…"

I felt my smile widen almost painfully at the nervousness in his tone and body language, turning to stand in front of him and taking his face between my hands. "Edward, I was only kidding. I completely understand, especially with a twelve year old down the hall."

Edward's eyes slipped closed as I pressed my lips to his briefly, and his arms slid around my waist with our foreheads resting together. His body relaxed slowly in my embrace, until another presence made herself known.

"I'm not as impressionable as y'all seem to think," Alice's voice cut through the silence as she walked past us, hopping onto one of the two twin beds in the room.

I pinched my lips together in an effort to hide my smile and Edward gently brushed his lips against my forehead. He then moved to his sister and leaned down to kiss her hair. "Had to interrupt the moment, didn't you, trouble?"

"Of course," Alice replied with a huge grin that made her look remarkably like her brother as he rolled his eyes, walking out to bring his bag to his own room. "That outfit will never do, ya know."

My attention was brought back to Alice suddenly before I looked down to my dress in confusion. _First Edward this morning, and now her, too. What the hell am I not seeing?_ I thought to myself before I brought my eyes back to Alice. "What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"

"Nothin'. If you're on your way to church or some kind of fancy gatherin'," Alice said with a shrug, jumping off the bed and taking my hand. "Mama! I'm gettin' Bella somethin' of yours to wear."

"All right, honey," Esme's voice called up the stairs and I briefly caught Edward's amused eyes as we passed his room before Alice tugged me through the door at the end of the hall.

Twenty-five minutes later, I was making my way down to the kitchen in probably the most fitted jeans I'd ever worn in my life, a soft, thin flannel shirt, tied in a knot at my belly button, and my hair done in two braids draping over each shoulder. I felt ridiculous, until I reached the doorway and spotted Edward—he'd changed, too.

A well-worn pair of jeans hugged around his hips and thighs and a white t-shirt stretched across his back as his arm wrapped around his mother's waist from behind. She swatted his arm lightly when he kissed her cheek as a ruse to grab one of the fries from the bowl, and his grin returned to his lips until his gaze met mine from across the room.

Edward's eyes ran up and down my body several times and I folded my arms around my middle nervously. Did I look as Beverly Hillbillies as I felt? Even coming from a small town myself, did not compare to what I was in the midst of and I felt a little out of place at that moment.

A blond man from across the room with sun kissed hair and skin cleared his throat, drawing our attention to him. Edward finally found his voice as he made his way over to me, holding my hand securely and leading me over to the older man. "Bella, I'd like you to meet my daddy, Carlisle."

"It's very nice to meet you, Bella. We've heard _lots_ about you," his father replied with a smile, gently kissing my cheek.

I glanced to Edward, who wouldn't meet my eyes, raising a brow in curiosity. He had apparently been a lot less candid with them than he had with me.

The evidence of that became more obvious as the days there passed. Every time I thought I'd finally met Edward's entire family, more would pop in. And they _all_ knew who I was. Yet the more I watched him with them, the less I seemed to think about it.

I'd never seen such a close knit, _very_ extended family of more cousins than I could ever keep track of. He was so devoted not only to his parents, but to each member of that family. It was truly a sight to behold.

As was watching him from the front porch every morning, before the sun had even completely risen, where he was helping his father tend to the horses and barn. I'd always wondered how he'd managed to achieve the body he had, as he never really had time to work out much with his schedule at the hospital, and didn't seem like much of a gym buff, anyway—well, there was my answer. I could see each muscle in his back and shoulders contract and release with his movements as I watched him from behind, and I couldn't help but admire. There are just some things that a gym can never take the place of. And he seemed to get enjoyment out of having me watch him, as well. Every once in a while, he would look of his shoulder at me and smirk or wink, before returning to his task, sometimes even being reprimanded by Carlisle for "showing off".

Thanksgiving was definitely interesting. It seemed like every member of the Cullen and Masen family was accounted for in that small house, including Edward's older brother, Emmett, his wife, Rosalie, and their three sons, who'd come in from Atlanta for the holiday. We all sat down at the table, and I watched every head present bow in prayer, as I'd become accustomed seeing in the passing days. Edward's jaw tensed slightly as a portion of the prayer was for the sole empty chair at the table that day—the one usually occupied by his cousin, Jasper, who was in Iraq, serving his country. There was both pride and hope for his safe return in every single face around me, with an intensity that bowled me over.

Conversation resumed as the meal started, and the noise never ceased, even once dinner ended. From the table, the boys—young and old—all went outside, ready for a game of touch football. All I'd ever seen was my father passing out in his recliner after Thanksgiving dinner, but as I watched Edward running around with his cousins, and especially his nephews, the last piece of the puzzle came together for me.

I'd seen men take breakups badly before, but none as drastic as Edward. Usually it was met with anger and aggression, maybe even some spiteful words, but he'd shown none of that. He'd completely shut down, only moving in the very basic motions of life of breathing, eating and working, for months before I came along. And even then, he was so guarded.

Because underneath the tough surgeon was the man I was watching getting tackled to the ground by his five, six, and eight year old nephews, and loving every minute of it. Who did farm work with his father, even on vacation. Whose laugh I could hear all the way up on the back porch, as he stood around the grill on Friday night, drinking beer with his brother and cousins. And could care less about the barbeque stain on his white t-shirt. Who was happier in the simple surroundings of home than I'd ever seen him in Seattle.

It was what he wanted. A simple life with a wife and kids—family. It was where he thrived and came to life; where he found complete happiness. And that dream of having it for himself had been snatched away from him that day in the on call room.

Late Saturday evening, Edward took me out riding in the pasture, settled into the saddle in front of him and my mind deep in thought. My eyes gazed up at the sky, admiring the myriad of colors blending together with the sunset.

"So, has my family scared you off yet?" Edward asked, bringing my attention back to him and I laughed softly, shaking my head.

"No, not at all. They're all so great," I replied, drawing in a deep breath and releasing it slowly. "And this place really suits you, even if your accent does take a little getting used to."

Edward and I both laughed at my teasing and he lightly kissed my shoulder. "It'll be gone again once we get back to Seattle, I promise."

"No, I like it," I admitted shyly, my eyes lowering to the saddle. "I just can't understand, why all the secrecy? You have a great family, good solid roots, definitely nothing to be ashamed of."

"I'm not ashamed, Bella," Edward replied with a heavy sigh, tugging the reigns and bringing the horse to a stop. "When I was a kid, I wanted to be just like my dad, and his dad, and his dad's dad and so on. I wanted to be here, with the farm and the horses, and my family. Once I got into high school, I began taking an interest in becoming a doctor. None of my family has gone to college, let alone medical school, so you can imagine, they were pretty damn proud. But honestly, would you want your surgeon to come into your room and bust out with 'Hey, how y'all doing in here?' No, you wouldn't. People thought I was an idiot because of the way I talked, so I changed it. Began eliminating my southern dialect, didn't talk about back home, nothing."

"You shouldn't let other people get to you like that. You're a brilliant surgeon, no matter what you _sound_ like," I said, leaning back against his chest and running my fingers over the denim covering his arm around my waist. The tranquility around me could have brought tears to my eyes. Even in Forks, you couldn't find quiet like that, or been able to see the beginnings of the moon and stars in the dusk sky—and _definitely_ not in Seattle, even without the cloud cover. "I can see why you want to come back here. But at the same time, it scares me."

"Scares you? Why?" Edward asked worriedly, brushing his lips against my cheek.

"Because I'm selfish and can't see how I would fit into it all. Do I even make sense in your world?" I replied, feeling the first hint of tears burning my eyes. "It's crazy to think that far into the future after a month, I know. But it's really hard for me to imagine you somewhere I'm not."

Edward's arms tightened around me, his lips pressing firmly to the skin beneath my ear. "Baby, I've been picturing you here from the moment we drove up." I turned my head toward him in surprise at his admission, and his eyes met mine in response. "And it really hasn't been that difficult. You fit in more than you realize, and my family loves you almost as much as I do. I don't bring just any girl home to meet my mama, you know. That's something very sacred to me."

"Can take the boy out of the south, but can't take the south out of the boy?" I asked, hugging his arms against my abdomen.

"Something like that, yeah," Edward replied with that soft, shy smile that had quickly become one of my favorites since arriving there, his gaze never leaving me. "But Bella, I don't _ever_ intend on being somewhere you're not again, no matter where that is. Though, I have to admit, I thought you looked good in scrubs until I saw you in my mama's jeans. And that shirt, giving that little peek of skin…"

I laughed as he trailed off, nuzzling his face into my neck, and I lifted my hand to weave into his hair. "Well, this certainly wasn't the reaction from the other day."

"Because my family was present. The thoughts going through my mind woulda had my mama dragging me to church by the ear," Edward murmured against my skin, turning my face toward him more with his fingertips and sealing his mouth over mine. His hand curled around the back of my neck, tracing my lips with his tongue and I parted mine invitingly. We hadn't had the opportunity to be alone or touch much in days, and I missed him.

The horse apparently had other ideas as he huffed, shaking his head and mane. Edward sighed against my lips, tracing his fingers lightly along the skin of my neck.

"I really do love you, ya know," he whispered, trailing his lips from my cheek to my nose, and finally, my forehead.

"Yeah, I do." And I really did. He showed me in so many subtle—and not-so-subtle—ways in the past few weeks, it had more than made up for the times he'd said nothing at all. The words were just that—words. But they were still amazing to hear. "I love you, too."


	13. I Do Cherish You

**http:/ www . youtube . com / watch?v=1kofixtz2Us**

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><p><em>In my world before you<br>I lived outside my emotions  
>Didn't know where I was going<em>

_**I Do (Cherish You) ~ 98 Degrees**_

**Chapter 13 – I Do (Cherish You)**

From that first Thanksgiving, through the following two years, I never acknowledged a single thought or plan for the future that didn't involve Bella. She became so vital to me; it honestly scared the living shit out of me. She fit so perfectly into every aspect of my life, it was nearly impossible to remember what it was like without her.

I was no longer that cold, empty shell I'd been before Bella came into my life. I had someone just as eager to wake up early with me for a few extra moments together over coffee before work. A woman I was anxious to take home for the holidays whenever we could, and my entire family embraced her as one of our own.

However, with the end of my residency looming before me, my future suddenly became a topic I couldn't avoid anymore. I wanted to go home, but I wasn't entirely sure that Bella would want to leave Washington. She was very close to her dad; would she really want to live on the other side of the country from him? She had a stable job, as did I, at the hospital. We had a good life.

And then, as much as I tried to suppress it, my own fears bubbled under the surface. I'd known from that first trip to Georgia that Bella was absolutely the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. When I would envision my future with her, I could see everything in startling clarity. And it terrified me, even though, deep down, I was sure that Bella would never do what Kristie did, on the surface, I knew how badly it would crush me if I ever lost her.

"Bella, I have a confession to make," I called out to her one evening as I sat on the foot of the bed we'd been sharing together every night for over a year and a half. Since the day she came over and never left.

I heard the sound of her brush setting down on the bathroom counter and she appeared in the doorway, wearing a white bathrobe. "That doesn't sound good."

I motioned my fingers for her to come closer and patted the space beside me, where she hesitantly joined me. "You know how last weekend, I told you I was going to visit some buddies of mine?" I asked and she slowly nodded, her eyes flickering nervously between mine. "Well, that wasn't exactly true."

Bella's body straightened rigidly with tears forming in her eyes, and it was as if I was watching her heart shatter in front of me. "What? Just…_what?_"

"Baby, I was with your father," I replied, taking her hand in mine and her body shook as she released a heavy breath. "I would never do that to you, Bella. Don't you know that?"

Her tears spilled down her cheeks as she bit her lip, nodding and lowering her eyes. "Yeah, I know. I just…I couldn't imagine any other reason for you to lie about where you were. Why?"

I looked back to her to find her eyes level with mine again. "I needed to talk to him alone, and I knew you'd ask questions."

Bella's expression became that of complete confusion. In the two and a half years we'd been together, Charlie Swan and I had no spoken more than three words at a time to each other, and I was gone for a majority of that afternoon…alone…with Bella's father. I could understand her questioning gaze. "And you didn't think I'd have any now?"

"I had to show him something," I replied, reaching into my pocket and retrieving the object in question, holding it in front of her. "This was my Grandma Masen's engagement ring. Mama gave it to me the last time we were down there, for when I was ready. When _we_ were ready. And I don't know about everywhere else, but where I come from, you ask a girl's daddy for his blessing before you get down on your knee."

Bella's hands rose to cover her mouth as more tears flooded her eyes. "Did he give it?"

I pressed my lips firmly together, remembering the tense moment in that kitchen, his eyes turned out the window. My stomach flipped much as it had then, when he looked at me with tears glazing his eyes, though it was obvious he was fighting them, and said, "You better take damn good care of my baby."

"Yeah, he gave it," I answered softly.

I watched her lip tremble before taking it between her teeth to stop it and closing her eyes. "Are _you_ sure?"

Was I sure? Images began flashing in my mind of moments with Bella, and my heart began to race. I remembered the first day I met her, and how, even though I was taken at the time, she stole my breath away a little. How it felt the first time she was in my bed, loneliness and pain the farthest thing from my mind the instant she touched me. The agony I felt when she left me, the terror when I saw that gun pointed at her, the indescribable euphoria when I had her in my arms again and she was mine, and making love to her for the first time.

Finally, I remembered whispering "I love you" to her, thinking she was asleep, but had since become so grateful that she wasn't. Watching her eyes open and hearing her say she knew—it was freeing. And the sincerity in her eyes when she said it back let me know that I would never go back to the emotional void I was in before her.

"I'm positive," I replied in a resolute tone, holding her gaze.

Bella released a soft laugh as another tear fell from her cheek to the back of her hand. "Well, you should get on your knee and ask me, then."

I was stunned silent for a moment before I returned her smile, kneeling at her feet and taking her left hand. "Bella, would you do me the honor of growing very old with me?"

Bella giggled with tears in her eyes and nodded, her eyes lowering to watch me slide the ring on her finger. The moment it was settled there, she took my face between her hands and crushed her lips against mine. She guided me up to the bed to lie above her, wrapping her arms tightly around my shoulders. "You ever do something like that to me again, I might kill you."

"Like what?" I asked with sincere confusion.

Bella opened her eyes to look up at me, tracing my face with her fingertips. "I thought I was losing you. I really don't think I'd survive that."

"Never, Bella. Because I wouldn't, either," I whispered, kissing her gently and then smirking against her lips. "And now you're stuck with me. I'm taking you back home as my future wife."

"Guess we really need to do some talking, huh?" she said and I nodded, gazing into her eyes. Whatever she wanted that I could give her, I would. No matter what. A small smile twitched at her lips and I felt her fingers begin to twirl in my hair. "Later. Right now, I'd like to make love to my fiancé."

I lowered my lips to her and slipped my hand beneath her robe, granting her request over and over throughout the night and our entire day off.

**x-x-x**

"Keep your eyes closed," I laughed as Bella wiggled impatiently in front of me on the saddle.

"Edward, it's starting to get dark, and you know how Alice is going to get. Teenage hormones are in full force, do _you_ want to contend with that?" Bella replied in her attempt at an intimidating voice, which naturally, I found completely adorable.

I pulled the horse to a stop and rested my chin on her shoulder, with my arms wrapped around her waist. "I just thought you'd like to see where we're coming tomorrow after our wedding, Mrs. Cullen."

Bella stopped breathing for a moment at my words and then slowly opened her eyes, at which time, she let it out sharply. "Are you kidding?"

"No, I'm not kidding," I whispered, kissing her cheek and dismounting, holding my arms up for her and lifting her down. "You said you wanted to stay close to my folks and the edge of this property meets with theirs right over there."

I stood behind her, pointing across the wide open pasture to the dividing fence in the distance. Bella's eyes shifted from there to the small house in front of us and felt her tremble in my arms. "This is our house?"

"Just signed the papers this morning. Figured if I couldn't give you a honeymoon, I was damn well gonna give you a real wedding night in a place of our own," I replied, pressing my lips to her hair.

We'd both been surprised when I'd heard back within a month from the Atlanta Medical Center, for a position in their trauma department. I thought it would at least take long enough for us to get married and possibly have a brief honeymoon before I dove back in to building up my career again. Apparently, my recommendation from Dr. Ateara had been exceedingly glowing and they were quick to snatch me up.

Bella, on the other hand, was never quite the same after that day with Mr. Callaghan. She still held on to her job, but she never stepped into the OR again, opting completely out of surgeries and began simply doing rounds and vitals. When we'd made the decision to move to Georgia, she began talking about possibly going back to school. She enjoyed helping out with the animals on my parents' farm, and had even assisted my father in the birth of a colt during one of our visits. She told me she felt a thrill that day that she hadn't in a very long time, and decided to become a vet; animals didn't scare her nearly as much as humans did, she told me.

I watched as she stepped away from me, walking up the stairs of the porch in silence and leaning her hands on the railing, looking down at me. "I can't believe you bought us a house."

"Well, it's just something to start out in. Someday, I'll get you one of them big places in town, with marble floors and gold doorknobs, and whatever else they have in them fancy houses. The whole she-bang."

Bella laughed and came back down the stairs, taking long strides toward me until she jumped into my arms. Her lips met mine as I hugged around her waist, her feet several inches off the ground. "This is perfect. Plenty of room for everything we need, and to start our family."

Our eyes locked briefly after she spoke, and then I resumed kissing her with everything in me. I carried her up to the stairs again, seating us on the porch swing with her straddling my legs. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too. But there's no 'starting' anything until tomorrow night. You need to make an honest woman of me first," she teased against my lips, pecking them briefly before lifting off my lap and sitting beside me.

I wrapped my arm around her chest and she rested back into mine, laying her head against my shoulder. In less than eighteen hours, the woman in my arms would be my wife. God willing, before the year was out, she'd have our child inside her. Life was good, and I couldn't imagine it getting any better than that. I had everything I ever wanted, and someone to share it all with, who wanted it all, too.

Yep, life was definitely good.

**A/N: C'est fini. Thank you to you all for taking the time to read my little story here. Hope you enjoyed my overdramatic ramblings of my overactive imagination. Hopefully now I can give myself a kick in the ass to get my other updates done. This has been consuming me for three weeks now. Later, lovelies! **


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